Dear Queen, I have been in a wonderful relationship now for 8 months, everything is going great except for one problem i seem to have. i hope that you will be able to give me some information i need to hear.
My girlfriends ex boyfriend moved back into town a while ago, and has needed some help getting back into the swing of things with school. He asked my girlfriend if he could have some help with homework and stuff, and she asked me if it would be alright to help him. I said okay, and i support her helping him and becomming friends with him.
He asked her to go to dinner with him the other day and she told him okay, again asking me if it would be okay. She was planning to take along a friend just so it wouldn’t be awkward for me or her. Her friend ended up not being able to go and she went alone.
When she got home, i asked her how things went and she said fine. some way or another, i found out that he had paid for the meal. Me and my big mouth replied ” I hope you had fun on your DATE.” after that, things went down hill. she got mad because i was mad and then i found out that a few weeks before they had gone to the movies with some friends and he had also paid for that.
I don’t think that ex’s should pay, especially since she is invloved. but she says that it is just being nice. I trust her, i just don’t want her to let him think they are more than friends. Is my anger justified, or am i just being foolish? What can i ask her to do in those situations? please help – Dusty
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Dusty, when you get into a relationship with someone that does not mean they become your personal property nor does it mean they have to stop associating with anyone from their past.
I agree that it would seem your girlfriend should be doing these things with you and not with her ex. But I suspect she may still like this guy and that’s why she’s spending time with him. If there still is something between the two of them it won’t go away just because you want her to stay away from him.
If you want to take the advice of someone old enough to be your grandmother, it’s this: forget about full-time commitment with this girl right now. Tell her you need “space” to do your thing and that you’d much prefer not being a steady couple for a while.
If she has more than a casual interest in her ex, she won’t have aproblem with this at all and you’ll know where you stand. If she doesn’t want to lose you to someone else while you’re back in the “available” category, she’ll let you know that also, and you’ll also have your answer.
In other words, you can’t control what she does, only how you react to what she does. React with class and be cool. If she fell for you there’s lots of other great girls who would do the same. Don’t limit yourself to someone who may still be hung up on her ex. Just my thoughts. — Queenie