Dear Queenie: I’ve had a friend/intimate relationship with a man twelve years older than I for two years. We have both been hurt by two divorces each. We have a terrific intimate relationship but not intimate emotionally. We are both scared but I need more and he told me he can not give more. I don’t think we would make a good married couple because although we get along great and have a lot in common, I don’t like how he puts down other people. He is also a bit self-centered, but the sex is fantastic.
He has introduced me to his friends and they think we are “in love” and are a real couple, but we are not. We are more sex buddies that are “in like” with each other. Should I move on to find real love or not? He is so good to me in so many ways. Thank you,Yvonne
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Dear Yvonne: Sexual intimacy can be a wonderful and fulfilling thing. This man has what he needs from this relationship — good sex without emotional involvement. Or maybe he is emotionally involved as much as he is able to be but it’s not to the degree that you recognize or need.
What more do you need him to be? He’s self-centered and puts people down, a trait you don’t like. But the two of you have much in common and get along well. And, of course, “the sex is fantastic.” I wonder if the majority of married women would describe their marriages in such positive terms.
I can’t make a decision for you. Either you are willing to accept exactly what he’s giving in this relationship, or you’re not. At least he’s being honest as to how much he can invest. My only question would be: if he met another woman he cared about, would he be able to give her what he can’t give you? — Queenie