Dear Queenie, I’ve recently divorced and engaged in a relationship with a co-worker who’s been divorced almost as recently as I have. We got very serious and he said he was serious about us and about our future together, we talked about marriage and children. But suddenly, he grew distant and colder on me. I finally asked why and he said he needed space, he was getting confused and needed time apart.
Although heartbroken, I decided to give him the space he needed. But we work together and it’s hard to see hima lamost everyday and not having the wonderfull relation we shared. He said he loved me and I made him feel like no one else did in his life.
After a week, I called him and said why not be friends (friends hang out together sometimes) and have ocassional sex? He said yes and I understood he did miss me in the week or so apart.
His responses to my being sexier have been quite clear to what he wants and how I make him feel. Do you think this could turn into a meaningful relationship, as soon as he grows out of his commitment fear, or does it tend to keep just in the sex level? — Vera
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Vera, neither of you has taken the time to work through all the issues that are left after divorce. He was trying to do that which is why he pulled away but when you offered him sex with no strings he leapt at the opportunity as most any man would.
Will it turn meaningful? Who knows. If the only thing the two of you have going for you is good sex, well, it might work until someone comes along who provides that plus more of what he may be looking for in a relationship.
You’re the one who initiated this “friends with benefits” relationship so don’t get too bent out of shape when or if he starts dating others. The relationship you’re in is casual at best and without commitment. — Queenie