Hi, i am looking for specific relationship advice. I just got engaged to my fiance, and I am begining to find out more and more specific information about her relationship history. She’s been with a lot of guys, from my point of veiw anyways.
We are both 23, i’ve been with 4, slept with 3 all long term relationships, i belive sex to be important, not something to be thrown around. She’s had countless b/f’s, and slept with 7, one night stands, crushes that didn’t work out, you name it.
She even had one b/f that cheated on her, called her a whore, ect… cause she didnt sleep with him, then after she had a bad break up she went back and had a “fling” with him.
It’s obvious she’s made some bad choices, one guy she was liveing with cheated on her, stopped working, became an alchoholic and she didn’t leave him until he knocked up some other girl and got her $6000 in debt. she can admit some mistakes but for the most part she just brushes the fact that all these guys just used her.
I was at a function with her the other day and she pointed out her last b/f before me, a 27 year old who just got devorced and i could just tell all he wanted from her was a peice of hot college ass. It makes me so frustrated to think of what he must have been thinking looking at us together.
See, my fiance is such a nice girl, she beautiful, drinks beer, watches sports, can have fun… the girl everyone wants. But she’s too flirty sometimes, and i think its gotten her into a few too many bad relationships. what my problem is; is that i can’t stop obsessing about it all, all i can think about (and as much as i hate to say it) is that she was a slut.
I hate thinking of her that way, i’ve been fighting with my brain for a long time now, but days like the other day when we ran into her ex or when i see a picture of her kissing an old b/f, it just ignites it again for me and it’s all i can think about. How could she have been so nieve? so permiscous? She had a great upbringing, didn’t hang out in a bad crowd, all her friends have only been with 1-2 guys then got married.
It’s just really hard to have mental images of the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, with so many other guys, you know. one or two of these situations i could have handled, but 7 in a row is past my comfort zone. How do i get them out of my head so i can focus on us and the future?
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The problem with history is that no one gets “do overs” or second chances. Once done, it’s done. We can, however, learn from history — if we choose to.
Why does she choose the wrong guys? Who knows. Are you also a wrong guy for her if you can’t move past her history? Perhaps you are. Why is she “so promiscuous” — I’m not so sure that seven sexual relationships would make her bad, or loose, or promiscuous. In many circles it would merely mean she’s a normal female exploring her sexuality.
You are the one who has set a limit on the number of sexual encounters are “proper” or “too much.” That is your standard. If you can’t get past her history then the best thing you can do is detach from her and look for someone who has less of a past. The whole issue is within your control. Either get over it or get over her.
That’s my opinion. — Queenie