I have been married eight years to my best friend from high school. Four years ago he shocked me by cheating on me with one of his co-workers. It was short lived & he has since moved jobs & has changed for the better. From the moment I found out about it, he has worked to keep our marriage together & I have worked too.
Forgiveness has not come easy for me. I am doing much better now. But still struggle with it time to time. The real glitch has come about with a widower who is a mutual friend of ours. His wife who was also a friend passed away recently. Little by little I found my feelings for this man growing. Not only do I feel guilt because of my marriage, but also feel guilt because of the friend who is gone.
I know if things were different, this would be the man of my dreams. He IS in my dreams- constantly! I know I love my husband. In what way exactly, I am unsure. As I said he’s my best friend since we were teenagers. But I feel I have changed & that he hasn’t changed in the same ways. I feel I want different things in life than my husband. This other man has many of the qualities I desire in a man.
We are all of the same Faith. In our Faith an annulment of Marriage can be granted to a Marriage where infidelity occurs. I find myself thinking of this. Not just to attain a man I may never have or could have, but maybe just to make the kind of life I need. I have children who adore their father & don’t want to hurt them. Nor do I desire to hurt my husband. But I am hurting inside & very confused. Do I just continue on like this & hope it goes away? Sincerely, Lynni
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Lynni, how does your faith look at Adultery? Isn’t it considered a sin? One of the big sins? If you’re convinced there’s no reason to stay in your marriage, tell your husband you want a divorce. Before you commit adultery. Before you tell the other man how much you love him (if it isn’t already too late).
How you choose to leave your marriage — either as an adulteress or as an unhappy wife — will be an example you’ll set for your children.
You absolutely should be having an easier time of understanding your husband’s infidelity now that you’re considering it. Or do you think the sin is less depending upon who does it?
Better make a couple lists: one of everything that’s good about your marriage and one of everything that’s bad. Then a list of what you’ll lose when you opt out of your marriage.
Be careful. Some men don’t want to risk getting involved with a woman who would break up their family for someone else. They always figure it could just as easily happen to them in the future.
Good luck. — Queenie