I am practically married (10 years common-law), and we have two children. I had an affair for three months with someone whom I grew very attached to. We always talked about how we both wished we were single so that we could do whatever we wanted without having to worry about someone seeing us together. But he is living with someone else too. I ended it by saying that I thought we should just be friends,and he agreed with me (due to gossip and suspecting people).
Things at home aren’t the same, my husband doesn’t want me to do anything without him, he is very worried about what is going on inside my head – we both feel like we are walking on eggshells around home. He says that he wants things to work out between us, but I still have strong feelings for the other man, and I know that the feelings are mutual.
I just can’t seem to connect with my husband ever since the affair, the feelings aren’t the same anymore. I want to leave and have time and space to figure out what I really want, but I am stuck because I have two children to think about. When I’m with my husband, all I can think about is the other guy, and I feel like I HAVE to stay with my husband whether I’m miserable or not. Please help me.
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If you were to focus your fantasies and energy on your husband instead of this other man your relationship might improve and he might be less paranoid about what’s going on in your mind. But, I don’t suppose that’s going to happen because you’re convinced this other man is much more exciting and compatible with your needs.
How sad for your husband and children. And how sad for the woman in a supposed committed relationship with this other man. Lots of innocent people getting hurt here.
No, you’re not trapped in this marriage. But if you decide to walk away you’re going to have to leave some things behind. Perhaps your husband will be the better full time parent for the kids. And perhaps you’re going to have to learn to live in a much lower economic condition. And, just maybe, if you do get free you’ll find that your boyfriend is much more talk than action since it’s always nice to play ‘what if’ instead of dealing 24/7 with someone.
Your family is real life. Your boyfriend is fantasy time. Make a choice and take your chances. Your husband deserves to be loved for himself. Free him up if you can’t give him that love.
Just my opinion. — Queenie