My boyfriend and i have been together for about 3 years. Im his first relationship and hes my 4 long term relationship. About a year ago i had mentioned moving in together since im ready and it would be more convieniant since he lives 30 min away.
Well he said he wasnt ready and didnt know when he would be ready so i told him i cant be with someone not knowing if i have a future with them or not. He said he definantly wants to live with me he just doesnt know when he will be ready.
So i gave him an ultamatum and told him to give me some sort of time frame and i would wait for him or either we have to break-up. He gave me a time limit and said he would most definanly be ready in a year well in june a year will be up and recently told me he changed his mind that hes not ready.
Well i am trying to be understanding but its hard. He explained to me that its not because he doesnt see me in his future because he does hes just happy with the way things are now.
Well it seems to me that hes just afraid to grow up and take responsibility i mean thats what relationships are about right? So i gave him a couple of weeks to think about whether to give me a time frame on when hes going to be ready because i think if a man’s not ready in like 5 or 6 years in a relationship then their never gonna be ready.
I mean do men ever “feel ready” im giving him the time limit because i think hes just choosing not to be ready and if he wants this relationship he should care about what i want also. Can you give me some advice on what i should do about this? — Nikki
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Nikki, suppose he was the one wanting a commitment and you were the one saying you weren’t ready. Then what? Would you say he should respect your wishes, that he should care about what you want also?
He isn’t ready for the relationship to go any farther than it has already gone. If he won’t commit within your time limit then you have to decide if you’re willing to extend the time or end the relationship and start new with someone else and see if they will work up to commitment.
For a relationship to be successful both people must want the same thing at close to the same commitment level. You might be pushing too hard and scaring him from wanting more. — Queenie