There’s a man with whom I work at times- different companies and about 6 hrs away. But, he travels up here every couple of weeks. About a year ago we began to do things totally unwork related when he was in town- a hike, dinner at my house or a restaurant, etc. I wondered for a long time about what was going on between us.
We talked about previous marriages (2 for him, 1 for me)- I told him I liked the idea of a duplex where I could be on my own, but would not want another marriage or live in. He said he’d like someone to grow old with- he’s early 60’s & I’m mid 50’s.
Finally he made the move & we ended up in bed last fall. I spent the night at his house the following week (I was nearby for work). About a month later he was here again for work. Dinner one night at my house with me making the first moves & him pulling back saying he didn’t think this was a good idea. Then 2 nights later we ended up in his hotel room. That was last December. He asked what it was I wanted, but didn’t say what he wanted. I again said I didn’t want to be tied up with someone else- no serious commitment.
He went back to just wanting to be friends, saying we wanted different things.
That was ok except he kept flirting with me, leaving me totally confused. He’d say he was glad to hear I liked older men, he’d like to see my in a skirt, texted Happy Valentine’s day etc.
I finally called him on it- suggesting he come stay me when I was on the road & he was passing through on his way home. He just went home.
He called a few days later to discuss that. He said it’s not a good idea. I said ok but stop the flirting, it just leaves me confused.
Obviously he likes me as a friend- since that conversation he’s called just to shoot the breeze, wants to do things when he’s in town & when I’m planning on being there. He’s even said that I’m one of his close friends- He’s on the road so much. He’s even talking about us doing something together this summer.
My problem now is that I’ve realized I don’t want to be alone- I’d like to share my life with someone else. And I really like him.
Do you think the friendship can turn into something else?
If so, I’m really scared to put myself out there on a limb, which is what I did when I suggested he come stay with me. Suggestions??
He has continually told you he wants a relationship and you’ve continually told him you don’t. Now that he’s not pushing for one you’ve decided you do want one. You were noncommittal long enough for him to get the message you just weren’t interested in anything but a friendship with occasional sex thrown in.
In my opinion, it’s time for you to have a serious talk with him. Tell him you like him too much to just be casual friends, that you’d like to take the relationship to a more serious level. If he says he’s not interested you’ll understand what he felt all those times you told him you didn’t want to be tied up with someone else. If he says he’d like to pursue a more serious relationship, then the both of you are on the same page. ~ Queenie