This question is not concerning love, but about the break down of a best friendship. I have known “Lilian” for about 3 1/2 years. I have been through alot w/her. About 2 yrs ago, she was having problems w/ her sister so, I invited her to come live w/me. Throughout this situation, she has hidden the bills from me, constantly being short on money, made bad choices, making plans, then somehow not coming through, in short, she has been a mental drain on me.
We met in junior college and finally, transferred together to University. She is constantly having excuses of why something cannot be done or she acts “innocent and naiive”.
Before we moved to the University town, I decided “to wipe the slate clean”, saying that we should start over, no more immaturity. I talked w/ her about the things that were important to me, and she has trampled every one of these things.
So, finally, a couple of days ago, I realized that I did not have another chance for her in me. I have cut back on the time we have apent together, made her find her own way around, not going to clubs with her etc.
I should mention that I am 28, she 20. We do go to the same Universiy, and have all the same classes (by no fault of ours, because we were transfer students, we were locked out of alot of classes, so whatever classes were open towards our general education credits, we took) we also live in the same apartment complex.
Even being around her, I have began to really dislike her, all I can think about is the situations I have been through, how can we be still friends? I guess, I am just looking for a way out w/o ???? I don’t know.
I know you cannot know every specific thing, just know that I am tired, and I need some help….I can take your advice…Thank you. — Vanessa
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Vanessa, the age difference may be playing a large part in the differences between the two of you. You’re the mature one, she’s the one with less life experiences to understand why certain things are as they are.
While you may have offered her a way to distance herself from the problems she was having with her sister, that did not mean you inherited her on a full time basis.
You’re right, I can’t know everything about your situation but from what you have said it seems that the two of you are much too dependent on each other and this is cramping your life. Isn’t it time to call a halt to the dependence? Give each other permission to be free?
This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. It just means you take your friendship to a much less dependent level. Good luck. — Queenie