I have been dating/seeing this man he is 37 and has three children, a sixteen year old daughter that does not live with him from one woman, two boys a seven year old and a ten year old with his ex-wife. I am 23 and I have two children, boys, eight and one year old from a nine year relationship. He left me when I got pregnant with the baby. Anyway, I have not been dating anyone until this man.
We started dating in November. Now this is a trip he was still married but he had moved out of the house six months prior to us hooking up. I really can’t understand why it had taken so long for the divorce but when we started to see each other and we immedately connected.
Our conversations are wonderful there never is a dull moment. We have talked about are feelings about one another and the future. We became intimate sexually within two weeks. It just seemed as if we connected so well in every aspect. Like it was meant to be.
Everything seemed to go down hill recently though I cannot understand. His divorce was final on tuesday and ever since then he has been acting very strange. I understand that this is a very dramatic time but I would think that he would be happy and relieved.
What I can’t understand is he told me after the divorce that he was very depressed and he wasn’t sure how he wanted to live his life and that he is insecure about relationships that he feels always end by his fault.
He also said that he would hate to get into a serious relationship and it fails due to him. He said that he needed time to re-discover himself I just cannot understand if he felt this way before we hooked up what was the point my feeling are crushed. I opened myself up to this man I had not been with someone in almost two years. For the first time I had him around my kids I have never had another man around my eight year old except his father.
I really felt myself falling in love with him and I told him. He told me that it isn’t me and just because he feels this way does not mean that he doesn’t LOVE ME! ??? Why did he have to say that to me?
This is really troubling me. The past couple days we had spoke on the phone but it seemed so different my heart is broken. Today is the first day since we hooked up that I have not spoke to him all day I did not call all day because I didn’t want him to think that I was okay with everything around 11 I got weak and tried to call and his phone is busy he has call waiting his computer has a cable modem. What is going on?
I miss him terribly his friendship and everything. We talked last night and I feel like it is over. He said that he thinks that we should take it day by day but I told him that I don’t think that I could take it day by day my feelings are too strong. Am I being unreasonable? How do you take it day by day? Am I expecting too much too soon? — Mel
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Mel — Your first mistake was dating a guy who was still married even if he had moved out of his house. Mistake number two was getting intimate so soon. Mistake number three is expecting him to jump from marriage number two into marriage number three with you as soon as he’s divorced.
Look at his age. And listen to what he’s saying. This man is in the midst of middle age and he’s not sure what he wants to do with the rest of his life. He’s in the middle of what is called “midlife crisis”. It’s already caused his marriage to end, it’s what made him date someone so much younger, and it’s what will keep him from making a commitment to you now and probably in the future. He’s simply not ready.
The best thing you can do is to pull away from this situation. I don’t think you will because you’re using him as a lifeline out of the situation you’re in but he’s not the lifeline for you. He’s not going to be there for you.
You cannot make this man love you or marry you or commit to you no matter how much you want it. — Queenie