I am 33 and currently going through a divorce. Recently I met a 26 year old girl at work. We are both very interested in each other. When I met her she had a boyfriend who she has lived with for 5 years. By meeting me she realized many problems she had not realized in her own relationship. I brought them to light by the way I treated her, which was much better than her boyfriend treated her. She broke up with him to be with me even though my divorce is not final.
I have no intentions of stopping my divorce since I am completely out of love with my “ex”. Here’s the problem This new girl and I have really moved fast since we got together. She has not had time to recover from her past relationship since she and I have been having romantic weekends, dating, etc.
My marriage was over emotionally about a year ago, so I have already “recovered” so to speak, but my new girl is having problems staying focused on us. Is this because she didn’t have any time to herself after her long relationship with her ex? He still calls her asking for her to come back and it makes her waver and wonder if she did the right thing, but she always comes around and says she did the right thing by leaving him.
I feel confused and have bad feelings when I know she becomes unfocused and tends to drift from me. Should I just give her time away from me and see if she comes back stronger with me? — Todd
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Todd, no matter how “emotionally divorced” you think you are, you are still legally married. That means this girl may be having second thoughts about dating a married man, even though you may treat her better than her boyfriend has treated her. She also needs time to get over that relationship.
It’s time for you to step back and finish getting your divorce. Once the ink is dry on the legal documentation you may find that you haven’t “recovered” as much as you think you have. You, too, need some down time before you step into another major relationship.
Once you’re legally free and absolutely emotionally recovered, call her up and see how she’s doing. Don’t rush her into something she’s not ready for, and don’t rush yourself into another failed relationship.
Just my thoughts. — Queenie