Dear Queenie, I have been in a long distance relationship since last year. My boyfriend & i plan on moving in together and getting married. I love him a lot, but he works a lot and when i go visit him, he will come see me after working and will stay with me until he has to work again.
My problem… the most recent time when i visited him, i met some other guy. I told the new guy i met about my boyfriend and he is fine with it. I basically drew the line telling him i love my boyfriend, etc… and that we could be no more than ‘just friends’.
We have been talking ‘just as friends’ on the phone and i am beginning to have feelings for him. He is so sweet to me, telling me his inner most thoughts and feelings. I see him as my best friend now. He compliments me and says that i am really special to him.
My boyfriend is the total opposite, i had told him that he needs to be romantic many times, and he keeps telling me that things will be better and different once we’re together because he will have a new job with far less hours than he works now (he always talks about how exhausted he is b/c he works 10-12 hrs. a day/7 days a week).
I feel guilty for having these feelings for my ‘best friend’ because i love how he talks to me and i wish my boyfriend would be like this to me. I have been thinking about just waiting until we live together to see if “things will be better”, and moving on if they’re not.
I know you cannot change a person, but please help me, i need to know how to ‘suggest’ to my boyfriend that it is really important to me for him and i to have this ’emotional connection’ (when we began dating, we had the ‘getting to know you’ part after the initial get-together). I need to know how he feels and i dont know how else to explain to him that it is really important in any relationship for this to happen.
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated, thank you!! — Ann
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Ann, does your boyfriend know about your new “best friend” or are you keeping him a secret because you think (or know) your boyfriend would be mad and maybe even call off the relationship?
Right now you’re in a “committed” relationship with your boyfriend (who doesn’t know you are falling in love with someone else) and in a new, exciting, friends to lovers relationship with this new guy (who does know about your boyfriend). You’re really not ready to move in with either one of them.
It’s time to have a serious talk with your boyfriend and tell him that you’re having lots of second thoughts about the relationship. Tell him you’ve met someone else who is more romantic, who says all the right things and you’re having lots of doubts about marriage, moving in with him, etc.
What might he do? You know him, I don’t.
If you can’t do this, if you’re afraid of losing him, then end it with the other guy. You have an emotional intimacy that is heading toward much bigger things.
Can’t do either? Then write me in six months and give me an update. — Queenie