Dear Queenie, I am a 25 year old woman, student, and worker. I try to make smart choices, and therefore had waited to have a family. I met my boyfriend Pit 7 years ago. During all this time we broke up several times, because we are very different and we can’t agree or understand each other most of the time (among other problems). He is 9 years older than me. So age is part of the issue, or at least I considered being. He is the serious type of guy, responsible, and respectful.
Long story made short… when we were two and an half years of being together, I was so ready to go to the next step. He, at the time did not want that commitment, so with time I passed the infatuation phase. We broke up about seven months ago thinking of having time apart, and while that happened I met Set, who is 26 years old.
Set and I met at school. We always saw each other and like each other but we both were shy. Since we started talking we had so much fun and share so much in common that it wasn’t hard to fall in love with one other. Set knew that I had feeling for my ex, but he was trying to help me “forget”.
Now Pit wants to get together and I think that he was intentions of marrying me. Pit wants to have kids with me, but not anytime soon; he wants to wait. In the other hand, Set wants work for a long term relationship and everything that come next-including kids.
I had to make a decision. Months passed and I wasn’t able to make up my mind, because I love both of them in a very different ways. Neither one is a bad person; they are both wonderful and completely different.
I took some time for myself, but that didn’t help at all. Is not that I want to have kids right at this moment, but I want to have a stable relationship and start planning for a family in two to three years. I would like to be able to make a decision; please any advice would be appreciated. Sincerely– Torn between two great loves
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Are you considering marriage with Pit because you have so much history with him? If Set had never come into the picture would you be willing to settle down for a “lifetime” with Pit?
Which man would you more easily consider your “soul mate”? Which one is more of a “friend”? Which one shares more of your interests? Which one could you see spending a “lifetime” with?
The issues that caused you and Pit to break up several times during the 7 years you have been together, are they resolved or problems that may surface again?
Why don’t you make a list of pros and cons for each guy and see who has the most positives to bring into a long term, committed relationship. Trust your instincts, don’t let yourself be guilted into choosing the wrong guy. Good luck. Glad I don’t have to make the decision. — Queenie