My wife and i have been married 16 years, our first year of marriage was total hell (mostly my fault) because i was in the USMC and she was in college.. i was unfaithful and she found out, so she then started jumping into bed with anything that would drop his pants…
i guess the reason i’m having such a hard time with this, this many years later, is because i spent the next 15 years trying to make up for my mistakes and never addressed hers… she was supposedly a virgin when we met in high school, now i’m not so sure. i’m not even sure i was the second, third or fourth…
She just gave in too easily… three dates, three sexual encounters (supposedly) i know there’s more she’s not telling me… she says they meant nothing, but if that were the case then why so many and why so easily… we waited 6 months before we had intercourse… we had more fun just talking and dating…
So much for conversation on her part with these men… the woman i met and fell in love with would never do that on the first date, the woman i met and fell in love with would not be a whore…
This all came back a few months ago when we went back to the town we lived in where all this happened… i thought i had forgotten about it all, but ever since then i’m happy one minute and angry the next. i’ve always been able to control my emotions until this event… the memories just came back and now they won’t go away… i thought i had forgiven and forgotten… please help….
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You’re wrong, the woman you met and fell in love with would do these things. That does not make her a whore and that does not mean that she wasn’t a virgin when the two of you met and began your sexual relationship.
Why did she have these quick encounters? My guess is it was her way of coping with, and getting even for, your betrayal. It’s unfortunate that she may have reacted to your betrayal with betrayals of her own. It’s even more unfortunate that, if all of that happened 15 years ago, and the two of you have been faithful since then, that history continues to destroy you.
Find a therapist or counselor who will listen and guide you through anger management and get you on a path to forgiving and forgetting. You owe it to yourself to find peace for the destruction your actions began and hers escalated. You owe it to your wife to forgive her.
Drawing back from the adultery issues, how is the rest of your marriage? Do you have like interests? Do you enjoy each other’s company? Are you each other’s best friend? Do you have a good marriage despite the history?
Or are you looking for a reason to leave the marriage? Is that early history the only thing you can find that would justify (in your mind) getting out or looking outside for what you believe is lacking within? Are you still seeking revenge for something neither of you can change?
Don’t let what can’t be undone undo a good marriage. If you’re not happy in the marriage, don’t look for reasons to blame your wife for your unhappiness.
That’s my opinion. Please consider professional counseling. — Queenie