Should She Worry About His Ex?

My boyfriend has a very close relationship with his ex-girlfriend. they lived together for 3 yrs. They broke up 8 months before we met (he and i are in a on-again-off-again 5 months now–for a lot of reasons). He and his ex constantly talk on the phone to this very day. I told him that this bothers me. I don’t see why they still have to keep close contact with each other–they have no kids, don’t work together, etc. He even told her that I am jealous of her!

He told me that there is nothing that I should be worried about because it is over between them, that they are now just friends. He told me that he doesn’t love her–never had, but cares about her. He said that they have shared a lot of memories together and so, she is a big part of his life–and there is nothing that i can do to make him not have contact with her.

He said the reason why they broke up was that he has always felt that there was something “missing” in their relationship. He said that they get along together, but they don’t have the “chemistry/magic” that he always wanted–which he has found in me.

He also told me that one of the reasons why he stayed for 2 years was that he kept on hoping that the chemistry between them will finally grow. But it didnt. Before, I have doubted how he feels about me, but now, I can feel that he really cares about me. He would always hug me and tell me that it feel good being with me, holding me, and he would just kiss my hand out of nowhere.

I dont know if i should be worried about his ex. is he playing me? are they really over each other or is it me just being stupid? I really need your help. Thanks in advance. — Debbie

Debbie, even if the two of them don’t have a current physical relationship they certainly have an emotional one. If it were me, I’d be questioning his loyalties, also. Until he lets go of that “history” with her, he won’t be able to fully start history making with you or anyone else.

If it were me — and this is me, not you — I would tell him I don’t want to be just his chemistry partner. Every intimacy that he shares with her is one more intimacy he doesn’t share with you. Either you’re his “complete” girlfriend or you let the two of them continue their relationship while you seek an unencumbered guy of your own.

Just my two cents. It’s your life and you’ve got to make the choices. — Queenie