Dear Queenie, I started dating a girl almost 3 years ago. After a year and a half she went to Grad school. The plan was that I was going to move out there after the first year to get my GPA up. I eventually got accepted to a nearby college. Due to financial problems we decided that it was best for me not to move out by her.
Well over the summer I started to freak out, and smother her. I didn’t see her the whole summer while she was having fun with her new friends. I never was jealous of her cheating because she’s not that type of person.
In August she drove home to address my depression and we talked for 5 days and i told her the thing that bothered me the most was i was going to propose to her and she said she felt the same to me but wasn’t ready while in Grad school, to much stress. So the rest of august went really well.
I felt I made the next step to being seperated from the woman i wanted to marry. I kept my contact with her to a minimum so i didn’t smother her. But last week i e-mailed/text/called her a total of 5 times and then she emailed me and dumped me. She said she didn’t feel single and that i was preasuring/smothering her and that she was extremely stressed.
She said that we can only be friends and told me that we needed a break and weren’t going to talk for a while. That little while was decided to be December when school is done. I’m hoping it will come sooner.
I know this girl and know it’s not because of another man or anything like that. She doesn’t handle stress very well and gets freaked easly. Something similar to this has happened before. I’m thinking that this has to do with a mix of stress and being on her own for the first time.
So what should I do? I want to spend my life with this girl and she has said the same to me. Should I hope for the best or move on? I honestly don’t know how i’d move on.
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You want to marry this woman who you’ve made the center of your world but, now that she’s in grad school, her world is far bigger than yours and you aren’t at the center of it any more.
Grad school can be extremely stressful and your insecurities haven’t made it easy for her. You want assurances that she’s still the same “girl” you started dating years before. She isn’t. She’s a grown woman who may very well be enjoying the freedom of being on her own for the first time.
What should you do? The only way that she would ever come back to you, if the two of you are “meant to be,” is if you let her go. Move on. Develop new interests. Start dating again. Expand your world, continue your education.
When you are no longer dependent on her for your happiness, you’ll be much more attractive to her and to other people. Independence is an extremely attractive quality.
This is just my opinion, of course. You have to make your own decisions and choices. I think that if you expand your focus you might even find someone much better suited to spend your life with once you do develop a more independent outlook. – Queenie