Hi Queenie, I would very much appreciate your advice since I am lingering in a sad state and would like to go on with my life. I’m 35, divorced for 2 1/2 years, with a beautiful 6-year old daughter. Generally, my life is good. The only thing that’s missing is love.
A month ago I met a very nice guy, a little younger than me. We started something that seemed like a beautiful relationship. We were seeing each other every day, exchanging messages in the meantime. I was overwhelmed by the realization that I was able to like someone so much again. However, after 10 days or so, he told me about his situation.
About 3 months ago, his previous 5 1/2 year long relationship ended, him being left heartlessly. What’s more, the woman was also divorced with a son, who was exactly 6 (as my daughter is) when they started the relationship. As he told me, he was really scared to enter a similar relationship, things were happening too fast and he simply didn’t know what to do. I was shocked, but willing to go on and give him time.
We kept on seeing each other and nothing much has changed between us, until last week. We had agreed to try and see each other that particular day, however, he called me and said some friends were pressing him to go out with them. I just said OK, however, afterwards I sent him a message telling him it would be better that he honestly and openly told me no and that this is really hard for me. He answered that I was a great person and that he didn’t want to say no to me.
After that, I wrote him a letter telling him that I really cared and was still willing to go on, but that I couldn’t be on standby. And that I need some proof that I am not the only one who cares.
That was five days ago, and there is no word for him. Should I treat his silence as a final no? He is otherwise a very responsible and successful person in his job, but I don’t know much about his private relationships.
Please, tell me if you think I should just give up. I’m really desperate, but I just want to have peace and be happy for my daughter. Thank you. — Lana
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Lana, if I’m reading your story correctly, you’ve had about 3 weeks worth of contact with this guy and you’re pushing for a committed relationship because you’re ready for one.
Unfortunately, you may be ready for commitment but he has a lot of work to do on himself and his emotions before he’ll be even close to commitment again. If he’s just out of a 5-1/2 year relationship, he’s going to need a year or more to come to terms with the end of that relationship before he’s ready to move on.
Give up. You can’t make your desperation his problem. He isn’t accepting it which is why you haven’t heard from him. Just my opinion. — Queenie