Dear Queenie, for four months I have been working my first real job out of college. The hours are terribly long, especially compared to my boyfriend who is a substitute teacher waiting on his orders from the army.
Last week, while on the internet I came across a note he sent to one of his 18 year old students. Nothing out of line, but sounded like flirting. When I approached him about it, he informed me he had feelings for her, she had been his assistant in a class he often subbed for (he met her two months ago). He told me he liked her because she made him feel like I made him feel when we started dating.
He knew he had been flirting with her, he never crossed the line, but my problem is, he first lied to me about the note, second he liked someone else, third she was his assistant and in high school, and he doesn’t see his attraction to her or their flirting as wrong (because of the age difference and his position). Although he feels his feelings were wrong.
He hates that he did it and he is now trying to win me back. I am not sure how to get over this and save the relationship. He quit substitute teaching and told the girl when she tried to give him her number that he may have led her on. He vows to not mention her again, but he is worried that placed in a similar situation (us away from each other) he may like someone else, but not stop loving me, is that possible? What can I do? Sincerely, Torn
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He has told you that this might happen again because, apparently, he just doesn’t have enough strength of commitment when you’re not close enough to keep him in check.
The fact that he was in a position of authority and then got involved with one of his students is also a major red flag for me. He could have put his entire career at jeopardy if she would have reported his actions.
I think this guy isn’t the right guy for you if you’re looking for fidelity and commitment. Don’t you deserve better? You’re just starting out, developing a career for yourself. Why not give your full energy to that for a while and let the “right” guy find you when the both of you are ready for a good and faithful relationship.
That’s what I think. Just my opinion, of course. — Queenie