Queenie, I am insane about a girl and I have never been like this before. I’m 28, good looking and have always been “in tune” with women’s feelings, but this one has me over the barrel.
I had my fun throughout college and my early work life. I always knew that I would know when the right girl came along and it was time to settle down. This is her. I know it.. I can feel her in my soul.
Here is the background: We have worked together for the past 4 years… our desks were right next to each other. Occasionally flirting but never dating because 1) I do not date in the workplace and more importantly… 2) She was living with a guy who worked at the same place.
Well, 4 years pass and we get word that both of us are being laid off. I come to realize what I am about to lose, and it wasn’t the job I worried about. I have helped her through tough times and she did the same with me. When you spend 40 hours a week next to a person a bond naturally develops. She has been in a very mentally abusive relationship with this guy and finally has the guts to break up.
I thought this couldn’t be better… suddenly she’s single and we don’t work together. And this is the problem: We’ve kept in touch since the lay off. We’ve gone on “dates”.. I think. She has come up to my place and we’ve made each other dinner and watched movies and we have gone out to movies; but I can’t tell if she is considering these “dates” and feels the same for me. For example, at the end of the night she never gives me an opportunity to kiss her goodnight… ever (been out about 5 times now). She would quickly turn and leave. I thought that was odd. So, I finally just told her how I feel.
She got the point that I thought we’d make a good couple. Her answer was: “I’m not saying yes, but I’m not saying no”… OUCH!! I took that as a big negative, and backed off big time. I stopped calling her completely. While it hurt I didn’t think it was good for me to sit and cry about it, nor force myself on her.
About 3 months have passed since I got that answer, and during that time she has continued to call me and wants to keep getting together… which we have. I only see her on average maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks and it is always after she sets it up. I’ll email her occasionally, but I do not call her.
We have no history before I started working there so really we have no reason to talk to each other, but she does call me and writes and wants to see me; that encourages me. But I can’t get her initial answer out of my head as well as her “only a friend” like behavior on dates.
I know she is dating other guys (kinda). What I mean by “kinda” is from the way she describes them they are just flings. That doesn’t bother me because she just got out of a horrible 5 year relationship and wants to live life again. I understand that.
I think she is rebounding and keeping me on the back burner until she is ready for another serious relationship. Would you agree with that? Or is this a one-way street and I will be nothing more than a friend to her? I can’t read her.
If she wasn’t interested it just would seem she wouldn’t call making sure I’m alright and asking me to the movies; but I can’t even get a hand shake out of her. Her initial answer just echoes in my head and warns me not to make a move.
Help, I think we are soul mates and I don’t want to blow it. — Craig
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Craig, you seem to have such a good understanding of what she’s doing as far as the casual dating and her need to get back on solid ground after her long abusive relationship.
I think she doesn’t want you to be a transitory rebound guy who ends up at the side of the road. She cares about you that’s why she stays in touch.
Have you put your dating life on hold waiting for her to get serious? That’s a mistake if you have.
She has been a friend for you during some of your past relationships and she may be protecting herself from becoming one of your casual love relationships, also.
Take it slowly. Call her occasionally. Invite her out for dinner or a movie. Don’t take a “no” as a personal rejection. Let her heal in her own time.
If the two of you are truly soul mates, everything will happen when it’s time. — Queenie