I recently started dating one of my best friends. She is a lovely person who I have been through a lot with but she has always had the tendency to be very moody and temperamental.
In our friendship, we never dealt w/ this; I would just give her space and see if she came back around. She always would in time. She upset a lot of people w/ this behavior, but I never really thought about it.
After about 2 month?s of an amazing relationship, seeing her open up in ways I didn?t think she was capable, she started pulling back, getting moody, and almost being rude. I did my best to weather her moods, but I started taking them personally and thought she was falling out of love w/ me. I confronted her and I thought we worked it out after a few conversations but the problems keep going.
She kept her distance, the affection stopped, the complaining about things in her life continued and I didn?t know what to do. We started seeing less and less of each other until we now only see each other here and there. We have talked this thing to death. I am now giving her space but I don?t think its going to come back around. I can?t reach her and quite frankly she doesn?t want me to.
People have said she is scared of being w/ someone who is going to call her out; she is not used to someone holding her accountable, etc. But the fact of the matter is she still doesn?t want to get some sort of consistency back into our friendship, let alone our relationship.
What can I do? Keep giving space? Just divorce myself from the beautiful time we shared? I don?t know what else I can do. If I tried to talk to her, she wouldn?t hear me. The last time we spoke, we decided to take a pause but w/ the intent of trying again, just no timeline as to when. I don?t know what to do. I know I need to take care of myself? Help?
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Unfortunately, some people are better friends than lovers. The “unfortunately” comes from finding that out after crossing the line to intimacy. There is no going back to the way it was for either of you and particularly for her.
In my opinion, you should step back and let time take over. With time, the sexual aspects of the relationship may lose their importance and perhaps those things that made your friendship so special will come to the fore.
It doesn’t matter what motivates her, if she isn’t interested in a relationship, she can’t be forced. Take care of yourself. Find new friends and interests to fill the gap this relationship has occupied. If she wants to resume a friendship at some later time you can decide just how much of your life you’re willing to compromise to fit her behavior.
Just my opinion, of course. — Queenie