Queenie, I have a very close friend that I’ve known for over 20 years, and we’re both gay. We are like best friends, and we are attracted to each other. We’ve gone through life together, and we’ve been there for each other and have seen each other through thick or thin. He’s had partners in the past, and is now With his partner of 14 years.
There’s attraction between us, and we had an affair on and off, and a few months ago, I told him about my feelings towards him, and that’s when he ended it. I limited my time with him and his partner who’s also a friend of mine, but my friend would somehow want to involve me into his and his partner’s lives.
My attraction and love for him havent changed, and I know I do not want to end our friendship, but I know that I need to end the addiction that I call it, with my friend.
When we’re together we have fun, and time goes by fast. He invites me over and we do things, the three of us together, even just staying and watching sports ball games together. I always end up staying over their place.
My question is, which I think the answer is already coming in (funny how that works), how does one deal with this attraction in a healthy and honest way? I also realize now that times spent with them means time less spent with getting to know available single gay guys.
My friend always calls and invites me over. He is very needy, and I tend to that at times. I don’t want to completely cut them off, but I do want to have a partner of my own. When i assert my needs to be away at times to care for myself, he seems to understand, but he keeps calling to get together.
My inner voice says to me to take care of myself, and go out there and meet available healthy gay guys ready to share this life with me, but at times when friday night comes, i end up at their place. Thank you for taking time to read this, and I appreciate your perspective and objectivity to this situation. I’m really ready to learn this well this time around.
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Your friend is the lucky one. He has a lover and he has you to fill in whenever the lover just isn’t enough. That’s pretty selfish, don’t you think?
Sure he’s needy, why shouldn’t he be? It gets him what he wants and that’s you as the “filler” for the times he needs a little something extra or someone to lean on. It’s a good situation for him. It sucks for you.
To be the third wheel for 14 years is way too long. But until you’re ready to stand firm and not cater to his neediness, you’re not ready for the love of a healthy guy. You’d only break his heart.
You need to listen to your inner voice. It’s telling you the truth. ~ Queenie