A long time ago I had a good friend. We’ll call him “Chris”. He’s a great guy and always was. We were really close and there was always something more there but, well I guess we were both afraid of ruining a good friendship and never acted on it. And it was probably the smart thing to do because we were pretty young then. But we’re both 37 now and have married and divorced. I thought about him a lot over the years, even while I was married. We lost touch for a long time but fate has put us together again. We work together now and all those feelings are still there and stronger than ever.
I can tell that he feels the same way just by the way he looks at me and makes excuses to come to my office to see me. I am really beginning to wonder if this was the way it was meant to be. If we were meant to find each other again when it was time.
The thing is he has a girlfriend. I don’t think it’s that serious, but still… And I think he’s holding back because he does have a girlfriend and doesn’t want to cheat. And that just makes me respect him that much more.
And I think he’s so unsure about how I feel because I hide it that he doesn’t know what to do. It’s tearing me up inside not telling him how I feel. But am I wrong if I do? I don’t want to be that woman that steels someone else’s guy. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering either. Please help… Sincerely, Annie
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Annie, having a girlfriend isn’t the same as having a wife. If there is something serious that could develop between the two of you, now is the time not later after they get married… if their relationship is leading to that.
There’s a line here that you’re debating about crossing, the line from friends to lovers. Maybe the two of you are best as friends. Maybe you’re meant to be more. Unfortunately, if you cross that line and things don’t work out the way you want them to there are three of you whose lives will be changed.
If you were his current girlfriend, what would you want him to do? What would you want you to do? And how difficult will it be working together if that next step doesn’t work out well?
Perhaps a simple “I have strong feelings for you that are more than I’d have for someone who is just a friend. If you and your girlfriend ever end things, I’d really like to have a chance to explore those feelings with you” would lay it all out for him.
That says: 1) You like him more than a friend, 2) You’re not willing to come between their relationship, 3) If he feels the same, he’ll end that relationship before starting one with you.
Once you’ve made your feelings known, you won’t have to wonder if he feels the same. His actions will let you know. — Queenie