Queenie, I’m 42 and my boyfriend of two years is 44. We both have kids and his 18-year old daughter has treated me with such disrespect for about a year and a half. Her Dad (my boyfriend) will not insist she apologize or discipline her so her behavior has gotten progressively worse. We do not live together.
Two weeks ago, after much frustration, I told him exactly what I thought of his daughter and it wasn’t pretty. Since, I’ve left two messages apologizing that I should have handled things differently. He’s giving me the silent treatment and will not return my calls or speak to me.
Is this normal that he’s taking time to think things over? Should I give him his space and not call him? Or is this silent treatment something for concern? Thank you for reading!
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I have to ask whether the relationship between you and this man is the reason that his marriage failed. Is that why his daughter is treating you so shabbily? Does she blame you for her parents’ divorce? If this is the case, from the outside looking in, her behavior would be understandable.
If that isn’t the case, then she may feel you threaten the possibility of her parents getting back together regardless of the reason for their divorce. Most kids want their parents living in the same house, at least if things were reasonably “normal” when they were together.
If the situation were reversed, how would you deal with the situation if the man you were dating was insisting that you discipline one of your children for his or her behavior? I know a lot of parents have complete blind spots when it comes to their kids’ behavior and they turn into absolute bears when someone else insists punishment is needed for bad behavior.
You made a major mistake when you began complaining about this man’s daughter. Fathers and daughters have a special bond. Fathers are extremely protective of their daughters, at least in the average relationship between fathers and daughters. He will always love and protect his daughter, which is as it should be. You are his girlfriend and that is an entirely different role than her role as his daughter. The two of you could have eventually co-existed, with enough patience and maturity on your part.
Give him his space. Don’t call him. You’ve tried to apologize and maybe he will accept your apology, or maybe he just doesn’t want this long term battle to run any longer and he won’t accept it. How much patience do you have? How long are you willing to wait to see if he’s going to give you another chance? And if he does, are you going to continue to spar with his daughter?
I don’t know if this is the end or only a blip in your relationship. Time, and the way you handle future contact, will tell. — Queenie