Hi. I just stumbled upon your site. I am a single w/f 37 yoa and lonely. I am attractive, but have a very hard time meeting men. Just to say it I am a home body with no real hobbies, so I often find myself at home alone (which I am totally comfortable with). It’s my safe place and I love it!!! I’ve met a man who is married. He’s been married for 20 years, and has 2 kids (I’m not sure of they’re exact ages but they are not children).
We have not had any physical contact at all. When I am near him I feel an electrical connection with him. Like I’ve never felt before, with ANYONE!!! This is going to be sooo cheesy, but it’s like we can’t deny each other. There is a connection that is stronger than ourselves present, and it’s extremely hard to ignore.
Recently I had dinner with him, it was not a planned date (if you will) but just a meeting between friends. And he mentioned that I make him want to be single, and that he was not sure that marriage lasts forever.
So just to say it, if I could make the perfect man he would be it. Everything from his attitude to his looks to his hobbies. Plus that feeling that is unexplainable, that shakes you to your core. He is a very good man, and I am sure that he has never strayed before. But I also get the feeling that he is bored. That there is no fire in his marriage.
I just don’t know what to do??? Is this a clear case of the seven (or 20) year itch, or could it be something that could really blossom’s into a pure and true realtionship Being the other woman is not something I would have ever imagined, but with him, I can totally see it. Only because of the feeling I get when I am near him, or on the phone with him or text messaging him.
I’ve looked this up all over the internet and have found some very interesting sites, but your’s was the only one that was open to updated questions. I hope that you will offer some advice, because I really don’t know what to do????? I have a conscious and don’t WANT to be the other woman, but that feeling, it makes me so weak. Why is that??????? And why don’t I feel that for the single men I already know?
Thank you so very much for your time!!!!!! PLEASE help me!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
Debbie 🙂
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Debbie, let’s step out of your life for a moment and step into someone else’s. This man’s wife has a marriage, a home, a family. That’s her “safe place.” How do you think you would feel if you were her?
Okay, so maybe he is bored after being married for 20 years. Who isn’t at times? But are you really ready to be his break from boredom? The “other woman”? The one who enables him to go from a man who (you think) “has never strayed before” to adulterer?
If this man is so good, and this relationship is a “meant to be,” then have it start in the right way. You step out of the picture completely and let him get a divorce. Once he’s through the process, legally, and disentangled emotionally, see if he comes back to you.
If he isn’t willing to leave his family for you then you’re his booty call, the “fire” that he says is missing from his marriage. Do I think he’s honest enough to face his family and tell them he’s leaving them? No. Do I think he’d ignore his marriage vows and jump into bed with you without a backward glance? Yes.
You’re going to have a very difficult time meeting unattached men if you stay inside your safe home. It’s unlikely that a single man will knock on your door and ask you out. But, if you seriously do want to meet the right kind of men you need to step out of that comfort zone, get interested in activities or hobbies, and let people get to know you.
Or, you can take the easy way and get involved with a married man. He’ll be glad to provide some excitement in your life but let you stay in your safe place during the holidays, the weekends, and all those other times that he spends with his wife and family.
That’s my take on it. What’s yours? — Queenie