Hi, this is Joe again from the recent “Is the Old Boyfriend History?” Again thank you for your excellent reply. Was hoping to entice you into helping me with a further large question, and to briefly give you the interesting interval history.
So the lady in question has now been back from her multiple weekends visiting her friends and family back home. When she first got back, she seemed a bit withdrawn, but not to a large degree. I of course interpreted this to be mixed emotions about the guy back home.
She said it was much more broad, a feeling that she was very homesick and unsure if staying in the city with me was a good idea. She felt this was excarbated by a friend nearly dying while she was home (which was quite true). She said she just needed to get back into her routine here.
Several days later I noticed a brand new photo album on her kitchen table (she loves pictures). Didn’t think much of it until 3 days after that when she and I were suuposedly trying to get back into the groove up here…. I was looking for a towel in her bathroom and found that no longer unused photo album full of pictures of her and the guy from home.
It was a beautifully put together album with the pictures glued to the paper, and cute little comments written under the pictures like “Great Date” or “My Baby.” The large majority of the pictures were from before I knew her even, but two were from 5 weeks ago, a weekend she supposedly was at a beach resort with just her family and there are pictures of her family _and him_.
I confronted her on this wondering if she truly is living “two lives.” She said she is not, things with him are all the way over, and she is sorry she lied to me about that weekend at the start of our relationship with him at the beach…. she says nothing happened that weekend. She says she has not spoken to him since, but only saw him in a hospital on two occasions when her friend was sick (he works as a doctor at that hospital).
She says that she never saw him outside the hospital, and it made her remember him but not want to be with him again. Her trump card continues to be that she decided to stay up here near me, and if she wanted to really be with him she never would have decided that.
When I asked her, ‘why would you make this loving photo album about him when you tell me you want to be with me and love me?’ her amswer was, “I don’t know, I was just remembering things…. don’t you ever just remember things? I wasn’t trying to hurt you with that. I want to be with you, not him. But sure there are times I think about him fondly, and remember things.”
Ouch Queenie, WHAT GIVES?! Do you think this is a deal breaker? Do you think I am over-reacting? How do I resolve a girl who has decided to stay in a city for the next 6 months at least for work and to be near me, but she is apparently waxing nostalgic about this guy while we are supposedly trying to get back into a routine together?
Is this just a natural thing a woman after a recent break-up would do that I otherwise would have never known about without stumbling into it? HELP!! Thanks Queenie, Joe
……………………………………..
Hi Joe, it doesn’t sound as though she’s through (at least in her thoughts) with her old boyfriend and if that’s the case your relationship with her is going to have some rocky times.
She’s lucky, the guy back home just might still be in the picture and you’re waiting for her in her new location — what more does a girl need?
While it may be difficult to do, you really need to back away from any serious involvement until she can devote 100% of her thoughts to you. I’m betting you can get just about any girl you want with a few snaps of your fingers, so I’d suggest you get snapping and let this one cool down for a while.
Just my thoughts, of course. — Queenie