My wife and I have been married for 26 years next month. In this time we have had many mutual friends. But lately she has wanted to be with a group of women that 4 years ago she didn’t want any part of. Now she sneaks around and tells half truths to be with them. I have asked her not to see them, but she says it is none of my business and that I can’t tell her who she can to be with. It is starting to threathen our marriage, it all most feels like she is having an affair.
Three years ago our 14 year son died just 22 days diganosed with leukemia, and ever since I do want to be with her as much as I can because life is to short. She has many friends that I like, but she has even shunned them lately to be with these others. We have fought (verbly) about it, tried talking sensibly about it, and nothing changes she still sneaks around to see them.
What should I do? I love my wife, she is everything to me. But I don’t know how long I can it. Please let me know if you might have a different approach for me to take. Thanks
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Have you considered counseling either indivually or the two of you together? I think there are a couple things happening here. It takes a long time to come to grips with the death of a child and I suspect she still hasn’t gotten on level ground with your son’s death.
She may feel that she didn’t do everything she could and that she is somehow responsible for him dying. Death also forces us to look at our own mortality and given her age she is no doubt struggling with issues that crop up in midlife.
I think she’s wrong when she says she can do as she pleases as I doubt she’d feel the same if you had friends who threatened the quality of your marriage. She’s thinking about herself and not the life the two of you share.
There’s nothing you can do about her needs so focus upon your current life and your needs. Take care of yourself. Do some introspection. Perhaps she is in the midst of a midlife crisis and her needs may be changing. So will yours. Find yourself. Easy to say but harder to do. When your partner isn’t traveling the same path you are it becomes necessity.
Good luck. — Queenie