Dear Queenie, the man I am living with is cheating on me. He is supposed to be my fianc?e, but I have called it off. I feel that our relationship is unusual in the fact that we still are together most of the time, we still have a physical relationship, he tells me he loves me, that I am beautiful, ect, but there is this “other” person.
When I have read about other guys that cheat on their spouse, girlfriend, ect, the sex usually is not there, and they make the person feel very bad about themselves, although he has become pretty mean lately. The truth is, I cry a lot. Sometimes alone, sometimes in front of him.
I am very afraid of STD?s, and several weeks ago, I got a severe bladder infection. I really think this was due to his lack of cleanliness. He denies another relationship, but I know it is true. I really think that he feels that he if pays enough attention to me, that makes it okay.
For the past several months, we have been receiving private calls on own home phone, his cell and now, very late last night, his brand new cell phone. (He has not given the number out yet to anyone.) I do not receive private calls on my cell, have never received them before at any home that I reside at, and find this very unusual.
He has said the private calls are from his mother’s house. I have called our home from his mother’s house and they are not showing as private. His mother would have no reason to block the call. He does not usually answer the call in front of me, saying something strange like “Oh, I don’t answer those calls.” ect. He has had a drug problem in the past, and I feel that there is probably a connection to this somehow.
I work from home, so I am with him a lot, as he does not have job at the moment, which he blames me for. He pretty much acts like I am completely crazy when I question him, and we have even gone to a counselor about this. He denies it and makes it seem as though it is my complete imagination.
In the beginning of our relationship, about a year ago, he two-timed me quite a bit, and will admit to this. Why would someone even bother to do what he is doing? I have given him every out. He does not have to stay to here. There are no children involved.
What could he possibly be thinking? Does he just enjoy doing this? He knows how upset I am by this. How can I just go and move on? Why doesn?t he move on? How can I keep my sanity? I feel that I am an intelligent person, but have become involved with someone way over head. Someone that thinks entirely different from other people.
It is like he desperately wants to cling onto me, but also wants to cheat. And I just cannot help but think what kind of woman would call a man’s house when he lives with another woman? I know in my heart that if it wasn’t her, it would just be someone else, so I am trying to at least release that animosity. Thank you, Ellen
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Ellen, he does what he does because you allow him to. You allowed the relationship to continue when he cheated at the beginning, and you allow it to continue despite all the signs that he continues to cheat.
Words are cheap! Telling you he loves you is easy. Telling you you’re beautiful is easy. That’s the “coin” it takes to keep you from ending the relationship. That’s the price he pays to have sex with you. And with “her.”
What type of woman would call your house? What type of woman would allow herself to be used by a man like this? What type of woman would put herself in physical danger by having sex with a man whose “cleanliness” wasn’t all that great? You are that type of woman!
If it wasn’t her, it would be someone else. If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. Why stay with someone who shows you such disrespect? If you can’t dislodge yourself from this relationship, please talk with a counselor.
That’s what I think. It’s your life. Live it the way you see fit. — Queenie