Dear Queenie, I have been separated for over a year. I still love my husband, while recognizing both his faults and good points. My husband loves me, I think, at some level, but does not want to spend time with me or try to get back together.
His motto has always been, when you walk away, you do not look back. On the other hand he fully supports both me and my daughters and, we get along great (not just good great) and generously share the responsibility of our children.
We do not fight or even have ill feelings. Our youngest, although she would like us to be living together, does not show any ill effects from this situation at all. In some ways this is better than when we were living together. However, it is very difficult to get past this kind of love and move on.
I find myself unable to date or even get interested in another man. But the idea of living alone in my older years, which seem to have begun to arrive, is not happy. Any advice?
………………………………………..
There’s definitely a lot missing from what you’ve said such as what caused the two of you to become separated when you get along so well. Is there another woman in the picture? Is there a third party that is keeping the two of you from staying married?
You said you have been separated for over a year. That’s not the same as being divorced. If you aren’t divorced, trying to get into the dating spirit is very premature. First things first. Get the legalities out of the way. The divorce process is unpleasant even when you get along as well as the two of you do. You need that behind you before you even begin thinking of getting interested in another man.
Once your marriage is legally ended, take a LOT of time to get in touch with “you” and become comfortable with who you are when you aren’t someone’s wife or girlfriend or companion. Learn to love yourself for yourself not for who you are attached to. Get comfortable with being alone. You might find it’s not such an unhappy condition. Some women don’t want to give that up.
You need all that time alone to sort out your feelings for your husband, too. What happens if you start dating too early, meet a wonderful man, he falls in love, and you are in non-reciprocating love with your husband?
That’s only my opinion. You have to do what is right for you and your children and only you know what that is. — Queenie