OK, here goes. I’m over 40 (only slightly) and can not let go of a four year relationship with a guy 8 years younger. He plays the game of ‘I love you, I love you not’ so often I’m becoming an emotional pile of sh…….. Well I think you get the picture.
He was wonderful for the first 6 months or so and then everything changed. He changed! And I was too stupid to want to hear or believe what he was telling me because we’d fight, he’d leave (vowing he was done with me for good) and want me again within a week.
About two years ago, everything in my life was becoming unbearable, from working two jobs, still fighting my ex-husband over property to dealing with problems my six would have almost simultaniously. Foolishly I started doing drugs because that seemed to be the ticket to not feeling anymore. As I’m sure you can imagine, it took over every aspect of daily living. happily I went to rehab and am on the road to staying clean and sober for life.
Finally my question, How do I stop caring for a person who tells me he wants to date ‘younger, more exciting girls’ and he means girls (18-22) yet calls me almost weekly to have sex and tells me how hard this is for him and wishes I could’ve been the one. Oh and by the way he has since tried my drug of choice and has even wanted to “party’ with me knowing it’s not an option for me ever again.
I know the answer, Let him go, he’s no good for me anyway. But my retarded heart gets in the way and I become depressed and feel so stupid for still caring for someone who obviously hasn’t cared for a long time (but stays around because he’ll never find anyone like me in bed, he says) Now you see I’m a very mixed up middle aged woman brought up to be strong and independant and am neither these days.
Please enlighten me with your pearls of wisdom so I can start healing my heart. Thanks Queenie, Katharine
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Katharine, only you can pull yourself away from this guy. But let me suggest that the next time you are talking with him that you remind yourself that having sex with you is cheaper for him than paying for sex with a hooker.
Okay, that was a bit harsh but think about it. This jerk deals blows to your nature at every turn. You’re not young enough for him when it comes to being his girlfriend but you’re fine when it comes to sex. What an absolute loser he is! And then he compounds the situation by trying to get you to go back to an addiction that you’ve kicked.
I’m sorry, I wish I could reach out and box this guy up and ship him to a cold, unfriendly climate somewhere but I can’t. You have to move yourself to a better place and let this major loser stay where he belongs. — Queenie