I have known my husband for 8 years, married 4.5 of those. From the very beginning we always had problems about his dishonesty, lieing, flirting with other girls, and really not being a good boy-friend. We accidentally got pregnant, and broke up for a year and a half.
When our daughter was one, he broke up with his girlfriend came to me and said that he is a changed man, and that he will treat me right. We got married and since have had another child.
He has been better, and life daily isn’t so bad. But every few months he will do something again that furiates me. I’ll catch him in a lie, or he’s flirting with another girl. I believe it’s innocent, as the girls know he is married, but it still hurts me so much. He doesn’t put his family first, and he is so selfish.
I have not been happy our whole marriage, and i am considering a separation. He’s agreed to go to councelling, but i honestly don’t think that it is going to help, because he is who he is, and that will never change. And I can’t help myself from feeling so betrayed each time.
After a long story, my question is – how do you know when it is worth it to break up your whole family, for your own happiness? Thanks – Jazz
………………………………………………..
Jazz — Yes, he is who he is and you knew that years ago yet you still wanted to marry him. Were you expecting that once he was married everything you didn’t like about him would evaporate? It didn’t, of course, it only got more difficult to deal with which is always the case.
He’s willing to go for counseling and that’s a big plus for him. Do it before you make any major decisions. You might find out some things about yourself that will help keep the two of you together.
You’re taking his actions personally. Don’t. He does what he does because he’s who he is. He’s not “doing” anything to you. It’s not a personal vendetta against you. It’s him. It’s part of the reason you wanted him in your life in the first place.
Will this last? Who knows. But try and get your expectations in line with who he is and get some counseling behind you before taking any drastic action. You have two kids to think about, also. Divorce would not be pleasant for them. — Queenie