I had been dating Romeo on and off for about 4 years. After graduation, I moved 5 hours away to put him behind me and go to school. At any rate we got in contact again. He would be in my life for a while and then disapear for a couple of weeks or months at a time. He constantly told me how much he loved me and how much he wanted us to get married. I kept thinking I had done wrong by moving away and contimplated moving back each time things got better.
As away to prove his commitment to me he suggested that on the night of his 28th birthday that we get married seing as how I would be done with college and it would be the best birthday present I could give him. So i agreed. (This may be a good time to say he’s older than I, he’s 27 and I’m 21)
During the 2000 yr Christmas holidays he proposed to me yet again and I greatly accepted again. We had agreed to get married over the 2001 holidays as a part of my family trip to Vegas so that my family could partake in our joyous occaision. About 2 months later he called to cancel our engagment to say that he had met someone since I was never around.
Sometime around the third or fourth year of our on and off again relationship we tried to do the friends routine. He would call out of the blue to tell me about his current love and suddenly he would change the subject to how much he loved and missed me.
On the night of his 27th birthday he called to say that the girl he had been involved with had gotten pregnant by him and that she chose to abort the child. Once again before hanging up we exchanged I love yous and he reminded me of the promise I had made to him about getting married on his 28th birtday. Two months later I celebrated my 21st birthday in Vegas about one week after I got a call at 5am from Romeo, stating he loved and missed me.
When I asked how things were going to my surprise, he hesitated in his response and suddenly stated that He was getting married later that day. That his highschool sweetheart told him it was now or never. He told me he was getting old and was scared he would never marry and that he didn’t want to be alone anymore.
I cried and pleaded with him not to marry her and said everything I could think of to get him to stop. He just reflected on the fact that she had remained single the whole time waiting for him and how he felt he was getting too old and wanted to start a family. I cried my self to sleep for the next couple of weeks and every so often after that.
He’s been married for about 8 months now and I recently ran in to him when I went visit my family. I asked about his marriage and he never gave a straight answer as to whether he was happy or not. I haven’t spoken to him since that day, but for some dumb reason I chose to move home anyway for a while.
Living near him again has been tougher than I thought it would be. I don’t eat and have trouble sleeping. When we come in contact I can’t stop from shaking, I can’t even write a check from how bad it is. My stomach gets quezzy. I can’t tell if I love him any more or if I am just so angry with him about the whole thing.
I keep wondering what the point of him calling to say he loved and missed me and then springing his whole wedding thing on me was all about. I don’t see a reason why he had to call if I hadn’t heard from him for a while. Why would a person lie about loving someone?
I can’t help but think that is I ask him why he did all that, that I may finally get some kinda of closure. I don’t really know what to do to put him behind me. I have tried dating other guys, I’ve even started seeing someone in a more intimate sense.
I’ve tried writing him letters that I never sent him to get it all out. I’ve tried rationalizing the whole thing. What can I do to get closure? Everytime I’ve read one of the letters I wrote him since that day i just get all these mixed signals of my love/anger towards him……please help queenie…..i enjoying having sex as much as the next person, but since all this has happened my pleasure has started to dwindle cause of feelings of inadequacy and quilt. Which makes no sense cause i have nothing to feel quitly about.
He’s married and I’m single and i’m trying to date others, but somehow i feel like I’m cheating on the Romeo, my x that is currently married. which is silly cause he is married to herand not me and i’m not cheating on him nor are he and I cheating on his wife.
sorry this was so long queenie…and thanks in advance for any insight u can provide. broken hearted in texas — precious
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Precious, whether you pick a dog up at the pound or meet him at school or somewhere else, he’s still a dog. This guy is a dog, has always been a dog, and always will be a dog. He’s just not the dog for you. Forget about him. Feel sorry for his poor wife and be glad you’re not her. You’re wasting your tears on a guy who only cares when it’s convenient for him. That’s not love, that’s being a player. You deserve better. — Queenie