Dear Queenie, I have been married for 3 1/2 years. We have been together for 8 years. My husband is 34 and I am 28. When I got pregnant with our first child, I realized that I was about to be a parent and should start acting more responsible.
Over the years, my husband has always done whatever he wanted to do and when confronted about it, he always turned it around. He has said somethings to me in the past that I can not get over. It has put a strain on our marriage.
I always put everyone else, including our kids, in front of my feeling and happiness. I am now to the point where I am thinking about myself and my happiness. I have started back having fun and hanging out with girl friends about 3 or 4 times a month.
I have tried talking to him about me not being happy, but he does not see a problem. I have gotten to the point where I hate to see him come in the room. I want to end the marriage, but we have two children ages 3 and 6. My boys love their father, but I think this unhealthly relationship is more harmful to them. I want to leave, but I don’t know how to tell him or do ithow to do it. Can you help me?
……………………………….
I agree that this relationship, as it currently is, would be an unhealthy one for your children. Hanging out with girlfriends, playing single, is really not something a married woman with small children should be doing. At least that’s my personal opinion. It opens the door to way too many situations that could cause irrepairable damage to your marriage.
You have a husband and two children. Do you really want to give that up without trying everything possible to save your marriage? How about marriage counseling for the two of you? If he isn’t willing to go, then how about counseling for you so you’ll better understand the choices you have so you can make the best ones for yourself and your children.
As a mother, you can’t think only of yourself. When your children are grown and on their own you’ll be able to “reclaim” your life and take care of your needs but right now that’s not possible. Your children need you to take care of them.
Talk to your husband again. Tell him you are unhappy and considering divorce. Ask if if he’ll take your feelings seriously and go to marriage counseling with you. If he isn’t willing to help put this marriage back on course then divorce may be your only option. If it is, do it the right way, before meeting someone else. — Queenie