Hi there, My name is Jake and 26 yrs old. I have been going out w/ this girl for almost 6 yrs, we met in college. She broke up w/ me because of some very poor excuses: I won’t make more money than her, I’ll never get a job in NYC, I’m white and shes Asian. Less than a month after the breakup, she has a new boyfriend who looks like me! Except that he makes 70k more than I do.
For those 6 yrs, I treated her with love and respect, opened doors for her, bought her gifts,etc. In a nutshell I thought was a perfect gentlemen. But she accused me of being too idealistic abt relationships and too old fashion abt courting women.
Not sure what really happend, but after 6 yrs you think you really know a person. I am just wondering if this is the “sign of the times”? Is believing in unconditional love and forever dead these days? — Jake
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Jake, a lot of people believe in unconditional love and forever, unfortunately the future is very difficult to project so you have to take what you have “now” as the truth. People grow, their needs change. You have grown a lot in the past six years, probably more than you will grow in the same six year span when you are forty or fifty.
What that means is if you and she had dated for six years when you were in your forties the two of you might still be together because your needs would be more in tune.
Okay, I’m skirting around the age issue, the young love thing. So, here it is: at 20 your girlfriend was too young for “forever”. And if you were 20 when you started dating her, she may have been even younger and that much more not ready to make such a commitment.
Don’t give up on looking for the type of love you believe in because it does exist. You just haven’t found the right person yet. And being old fashioned about courting women can be very charming. — Queenie