I have been dating a younger (much younger) man for the last ten years. He still seems just as much in love with me as ever. He has been there for me through many crises.
Lately, I am not sexually aroused by him. I haven’t had an orgasim in about a year, it used to be the best sex that I had ever had. why am I not feeling amorous with him? I don’t like anyone else. Is this just the way it goes? From such a wild and passionate beginning and throughout our relationship, which has been exciting, fun and close, does ten years just naturally spell ho-hum?
The more aloof I am, of course, the more aloof he gets. I just feel like crying. why don’t I still feel madly in love with this guy? Can I get that feeling back? I am not good at faking it.
One other thing. we don’t go out so much anymore. His hours were cut and he bought a new car, so funds aren’t as they were, Maybe I am responding to him not liking me? I’m feeling cooped up and need some advice. — Liz
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Liz, do you need more of a commitment out of him than he is giving? Were you expecting that he would put more money toward an “us” item, such as a home, rather than a “me” item such as his new car?
What has changed in your life this past year? What have you been dealing with that may be impacting on your emotions and keeping you from enjoying this relationship?
Do you and he have good communication? Can you talk about what’s bothering you? Do you have common interests? Do you laugh a lot? Do you spend a lot of quality time together, other than in bed?
Long term relationships won’t maintain that high degree of excitement that beginning relationships do, but they don’t have to get boring or uninteresting. And sexual interest can and should last for a lifetime.
If you can’t work this out on your own you might want to consider finding a counselor to help the two of you, or, if he won’t go to counseling with you, then to help you understand what’s wrong and find ways to make it better. — Queenie