Me and my High School sweetheart were together for 4 1/2 years. After graduation he cheated on me and had a baby in the situation. It was a very HARD thing to go through. I couldn’t understand what was going on because we had a great relationship. We were like best friends which is probably the reason we never have ceased talking in one way or another.
We both went through some rough times and went our separate ways. I didn’t date anyone for a very very long time. He moved right on to another relationship (not with the child’s mom). During that period he would always come back at least once every couple of months and tell me that he still loves me and that he wanted to work things out with me, but he needed time to take care of some financial things with this girl he was with to leave her.
To me actions speak louder than words. It became a routine, but for some reason, I loved him so much that I always held on to hope. I think I was very nieve in many ways, but everytime we even saw eachother, we both knew there was still a very strong chemistry between us.
During this time, he changed as a person. Started getting involved in “bad” things and he treated his girlfriend at the time very badly. She ended up leaving him because of it. This was aboout a 6 year period. Believe it or not, he came looking for me again and apologized for what he had put me through. He said he never realized what pain he caused me until he experienced it himself.
He started calling me and pouring his heart out about this girl to me and how much he loved her, and he was hurt, and how he never let go of what we had so he wasn’t able to give her a chance for them to be happy. I told him that I wasn’t strong enough to be able to comfort him in this situation and he needed to find someone else who would be able to sit there and listen.
This all made me very angry and I was kind of dating someone else during this time. It actually pushed me more towards this other person. He ended up finding out that I was seeing this person from mutual friends and finding out that I was intimate with this person and was very angry because it was someone that he went to high school with, but they were not friends. After that he treated me very differently.
This was only the second man in 6 years that I had been with after him, so I couldn’t understand how he could be this way with me when we weren’t even together. Ever since that incident, he has changed his ways toward me. It has been about 10 months and things have drastically changed.
He started to change his life around and is going to church and is doing very well. I have known this man for 11 years and I do see the changes. As a result, we have gotten closer, I guess because neither of us have another right now and we always seem to come back to eachother. The only thing now that I am questioning is if I am doing the right thing.
I still love this man very much, but I still see little signs that he is still hoping to get back with his ex that left him. He tells me that he cares about me still, but never really says I LOVE YOU anymore. Things didn’t change until this girl left him.
I am willing to move on, but it’s so hard to turn him away when he calls. We have lunch a couple times a week, and we do have occasional love making. But it’s not the same. We both know that we care about eachother deeply, but I don’t know what his intentions are. I don’t know if he’s just using me to get through or what. Sometimes he shows little signs of affection and other times he comes off like he’s just my friend.
I am confused and I don’t know what to do at this point. I do love him and if there is a possibility for us to work things out, I would, but I don’t want to attach myself to him and then go through the letting go process again. I have asked him what his intentions are and he just says…” I don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future, let’s just leave it on God’s hands”.
I could never be “JUST FRIENDS” with him, I already know that.and I do have to see him all the time because we attend the same church. I tell myself, well just be patient and don’t push anything on him,….But I need to look out for myself too???? any advice would really help, this has been a roller coaster ride for 6 years already, I don’t know if I need to take the Exit now or hold on. — Teri Marie
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Teri Marie, don’t you think he has wasted enough of your life? He isn’t willing to put you first, no matter how much support or how many chances you give him.
You’re the perfect girlfriend for him. He knows you’ll always be there to comfort him and even to provide sex when his relationships fail, and he doesn’t have to do anything but apologize for hurting you (and then keep on hurting you with his actions) and offer you the small hope that he just might finally, one day in the distant future, decide that you are really, truly, the one for him.
You’ll wait a lifetime for him to make you number one and even then it might not happen. But it’ll be too late for you to give someone else a chance to make you number one in their life.
If it were me, I’d have to show him the door and close it firmly. — Queenie