I have had this friend for 14 years, he dated my best friend in High School, he lived with me and my husband for awhile, he was the best man in my wedding 10 years ago, and my husband, at the time, was his best man. He married a girl that none of us knew.
Anyway, the weirdest thing, I moved 350 miles from home when I left my husband and I didn’t hear from my friend for a long time. Then out of the blue I found his email address only to find out that he had bought a house in the same town that I live in and was transfering up here with his job.
He was up here for 5 months while his wife and three kids were still back home. During those five months he asked for a divorce from her and he and I started an affair. It was a love like I had never felt.
I am only the third woman this man has ever been with and he is almost thirty. Well, his wife moved up here against his wishes and made it really hard on him, he ended up moving in with her – telling me it was to be close to his kids. Now she and I are semi-friends and I spend the weekends with them.
She knows nothing of the affair, and he wants it to continue behind her back. What should I do? He tells me that he isn’t sure what he is doing and why he is doing it, he calls me every morning on his way to work, every evening on his way home and talks to me much more than he does her. I don’t know what to do and I feel like it is all about to blow up. — Cricket
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Cricket, you can’t be this clueless. He is a married man who is cheating on his wife with you and you’re enabling him to cheat while pretending to be his wife’s friend.
He’s doing it because there is a thrill that comes from sneaking around, from putting something over on someone else (his wife), from getting sex from more than one woman. If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. You keep it going because you also have the thrill of carrying on behind his wife’s back and because you think that if he was divorced he would marry you. Don’t bet on it because most guys who cheat don’t marry the woman they were cheating with when their marriage ended. Or, if they do, they find someone else to continue their “thrills” and the former other woman turned wife becomes the betrayed wife. And, yes, I know, “your love is different” and “he wouldn’t do this to me”. Put it on a T-shirt and you’ll sell a million copies.
Do what you want because you will anyway. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. — Queenie