So here goes…my boyfriend is in a mess. He thinks he’s scared of the big commitment thing-don’t get me wromg i’m not one of those pressurising women that can’t wait to get a rock on my finger, i’m in no rush. Everything commitment move ie.moving in together, setting up a joint account has been his idea, which i’ve gladly gone with because for me he is the one- (at least i hoped so!).
But the other day he was acting strange-very down and depressed and at first he didn’t want to talk about it-but eventually he told me that he’s freaking out and doesn’t know why. I’ve been his longest term girlfriend so i am aware he’s never experienced this feeling of comfort you find with a partner. He tells me that he is in love with me yet can’t help thinking is this it? is this how it is?
So because he wasn’t sure i moved out to give him time to think- we were both heartbroken and the next day he told me how he’d made the biggest mistake in letting me leave that i am the one he wants to live with,have kids with and get old with-great i thought-but was a bit weary that he might get confused again, so planned to move back in a week- sure enough the next day we talk and he’s freaking out again. Still not entirely sure of what he wants- and just wishes someone would tell him yes or no.
My problem is that he’s not talking to anyone about how he feels and he is really getting in a state about what to do. The last we left things was that he wanted to split up and have some closure just because he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore because he can’t seem to sort his head out about what he wants. This has happened all in the last three days and i would really like some advice to what if anything i could say.
I hate knowing that there’s this wonderful man for me who tells me that he can’t live without me in one breath and then breaks down crying because he doesn’t know!? I’ve told him just to take some time to think-but he’s trying to cut things off completely just to save me from anymore hurt.
I’m sorry if i’ve gone on but i just can’t understand it myself, i am absolutely heartbroken but hate seeing the man i love so upset, i just want to see him happy again-with or without me. Do you know of anything that may help him? Is there anything i can say or do?
Thank you for your time. — Katy
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Katy, some people are so afraid of commitment that marriage requires they absolutely freak when a relationship gets to where it needs that type of commitment. It’s very possible that if you give your guy space so that he can see what his life will be without you, he will decide that he’d rather commit than lose you. It may take a little time, and it won’t help if you get involved with someone else without giving this time enough to work out between the two of you.
This has only been a few days. It might take a few weeks but what are a few weeks when you’re talking a lifetime together? If he has to believe that it’s over between the two of you, let him. I’ve never known of a relationship yet that couldn’t be put back together if both people were really, truly in love.
The only thing I’d suggest is that you not sit by the phone waiting for him to call. He needs to know that if he doesn’t make a decision within a reasonable amount of time someone else may discover you and then it could be too late for him. — Queenie