I am recently divorce w/ four children ages 19 years to 10 mos. which makes me almost 40 years old but I look 27. I have only been with one man my entire life. I had a one night affair with this guy from work 6 months ago.
He knows that I had been celibate since my separation from my husband which was almost a year before we had the one night. We are still friends and have gotten closer. He is 26, but he is more mature than his actual age. We talk almost everyday and work together. We live in two different cities, but he comes by my apartment every week to spend time with me and the kids.
We keep our private sexual relationship separate from our work relationship so no one knows of us. We have a lot in common. He makes comments about making sure my feeling for my ex-husband has been forgotten, and also that I am not ready for him. During our moments together, he ask me do I love him and vice versa. Both of our response is yes. My question is do you think he is looking for a commitment and also can a relationship with the age be a problem for our families.
……………………………………………..
Shouldn’t you be asking him if he wants a committed relationship with you? And, also be asking him if he thinks the age thing is a problem or could be a problem for him.
With regard to the age difference: “almost 40” means you’re at least 39 which is 13 years older than he is. Unless he has been married and has been a parent, you have much more “world” experience than he has. Your oldest child is only 7 years younger than he is. You have the “baggage” that comes from divorce. And you have a 10 month old child that will probably be the tie that keeps your ex-husband in your life for a very long time.
This is a lot for him to deal with on the long term. It doesn’t mean he can’t, it just means it could be difficult for him unless he has the emotional maturity to handle it all.
As far as are you ready for commitment such a short time after your divorce… probably not. It takes time, time, time to get comfortable with life after divorce. Sometimes people marry too fast or get too tied into serious relationships too soon and those relationships end badly.
His comments about your feelings for your ex and that you’re not ready for a relationship with him makes me think he either really is concerned that you’re not ready for another serious relationship yet or perhaps he isn’t ready for the type of relationship you’re telling him you want with him. — Queenie