Pregnant and Angry

We loved each other very much and we never seemed to be happy without each other for long. This year, before I became pregnant things were going good. We were getting along, not fighting and he was talking about us getting married. He even asked me to register for a contest to win a free wedding.

Taking precautions to get pregnant has always fallen on me. When I met him we used birth control and condoms and he wanted to stop using condoms so I gave in and became pregnant 6 months later. This time I was on birth control and I took it faithfully determined not to be blamed for another unplanned pregnancy. I asked him to use condoms as a back up, because no method is 100% and his only response was to say you buy them. So I did and he complained and always wanted to take them off.

I should have been smarter and refused to have sex with him but he made the comment that he wanted to have another child next year and I assumed that obviously if he is refusing to wear the condoms and I became pregnant the blame would rest on him because he wasn’t do his part to stop this. Well I told him 4 months back and he freaked and asked me to have an abortion. I refused and he broke up with me. Now I am a single mother to a 2 year old and dealing with this pregnancy on my own.

Then there is the issue of his family. They have been overly intrusive in our relationship from the time I had our first child. His mother especially, even wanting to have her own room in our house at home point! I felt uncomfortable with their overbearing attitude and have had little contact with his parents except on holidays when he pleaded with me to go.

They were polite including me like I was apart of the family and his mother started to call me her daughter-in-law. I even let my son stay at their home once or twice despite their lifestyle habits not being agreeable to me in an effort to appease him and get along.

When I became pregnant, I called his mother and informed her and her response was that she wasn’t sure what to tell me. That she would be happy about it when her son was happy and she didn’t want to get involved. These people who acted like I was such a big part of the family has totally turned against me and taken their son’s side.

He says that he didn’t want another baby now and so he jokingly says it is not his. I have had a difficult pregnancy and almost miscarried our child. He has offered no support and shows little concern. I go to appointments alone and when I told him the sex he said good for you.

I cannot work because I am at such high risk and he puts me down because of this. I don’t know what he has told his parents but they have been fully supporting him. His father even lying and reporting him not working for the family business so that he could hide his second job and not have to pay more child support.

I am at a loss of what to do. Despite all this I still love hima nd feel like I can forgive him. He has visitation of his son (another idea of his parents) and has recently started exercising that. I feel his visits are just an attempt to see me because on visit days he comes by and tries to sleep with me. I give in because he has said he still loves me and can’t let go that he needs some time to decide if he can trust me. I want to call up his parents and say see he’s still sleeping with me.

I feel such betrayal and hurt and overwhelming resentment toward his parents. It’s strange that it’s more towards them than him. I don’t want them anywhere near my two year old or this baby. The fact that they can deny their grandchild and help him and support his behavior is unforgiveable. I’m stressed about him denying one child and accepting the other when they are both his.

I’m worried about having a healthy baby and raising two kids alone. I’m sad because now my son has to have his holidays split and be away from me at such a young age. I’m afraid of my son having to be around other women and them getting to take care of him.

But most of all I’m afraid to let go of someone who has abandoned me when I need him the most and behaved in such a horrible way. Because this person is all I have known and loved for three years and despite everything I can’t get him out of my life for good because we have a child.

I feel trapped, either I’m doomed to love someone who only wants to take when they can get, to be victim to his family’s latest plots to hurt me and my children or to have a ringside seat to him dating other women and happily moving on with his life, with not even a second glance to the family he left behind.