I have a couple of issues. I’ve recently broke with my fiance. The major problem has been his parent. First of all I’m 47 and he’s 38. Both his parent have been divorced for a long time. The mother has been married five times, I guess because she is not an easy person to live with.
First of all, she been abusing prescription drugs for 30 years. My ex-fiance who I’ll call Sam, moved her here last year from out of town during the same time that we met. He moved her here because she cannot live on her own, due to the mental damage done from the drug use.
She is only 60 years old and hasn’t worked for a long time. She lives in a group home now and is very dependent on Sam for practically all her needs except shelter and food. She calls him several times a week for small things leaving messages and just bugging him.
He’s paying for her monthly storage of household goods which she’ll never use, and a very nice car which he leaves parked in his driveway because she can’t drive for nearly a year now. She insists on keeping the car and all her goods. She’s grown very dependent on him because he caters to her constantly.
Then there’s the father who is 61 years old, never worked his life, but has a gambling problem along with past drug use, so has no retirement and basically is also dependent on Sam. Sam has bought him a car, since he is a car salesman, and a cell phone and gives him money when he’s broke.
I personally feel they’re using him because he has a good job, a house and money. He’s never been married and has no kids. Sam is stressed out most of the time and suffers from depression. I’ve never felt he was really with me when we were together. Even when we made love he would put the phone next to us and the only people who ever called him were his parents or brother.
Also, I could not satisfy him sexually. That made me feel insecure and again, I felt he was not with me mentally. There is so much to all of this but this would be a book. My question is, how much of a role should the parents play in our relationship? And am I being selfish for feeling neglected in all this? We never really concentrated on our future and I never really felt worthy of his time. Please help! — Flytrap
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Fly, “Sam” feels a responsibility to take care of his parents. That is his choice. It is not something that you should be trying to step in the middle of. From what you say Sam isn’t ready for a relationship with you right now. He may never be ready for a relationship with anyone.
Don’t try to place the blame on anyone, this is a matter where you won’t win no matter how much you try to justify how the relationship should have been. — Queenie