My partner of seven years ended our relationship roughly three months ago. She has moved back to her hometown with our six-year-old daughter and I have very little contact with her except over the phone when I speak to our daughter, or discussing issues about our daughter.
The reasons she left were, quite frankly, because I was a stupid, pigheaded, blind fool. I often ignored her feelings, and when she tried to talk to me about what she felt was going wrong, I felt as if she was attacking me and would start having a go at her.
Obviously, I’ve faced up to the fact that I felt insecure in showing my emotions and was just plain lazy about contributing and being a part of the life of a family that I now miss terribly. I’ve even gone on anti-depressants and am in therapy.
At certain points over the past three months I’ve lost control and have called, or sent gifts, or sent text messages telling her that I hope she finds it in her heart to forgive me and to try and find it in her heart to please give me a chance to show her just how much she and my daughter mean to me.
She says that there is no way that she will ever be able to trust me again, because of the hurt that I’ve caused her…and that truly terrifies me. I can’t seem to pull my life together now that they are gone, and I feel like everyday without them is just a lost day.
I constantly go over the days in my mind where I would have so many opportunities to do everything with them, and now wish only for the chance again. As corny as it sounds, I truly do love them and miss them both and I can’t seem to even conceive of moving on. I’ve been married before, and as terrible as it may sound…I didn’t feel this after my divorce. What do, or can I do? Please! — Jon
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Jon, it took years to get your partner to the point that she gave up on the relationship. It will take longer than three months for her to believe that you may have changed enough that she might consider renewing contact with you if it happens at all.
I hate to be so blunt and offer little hope to you at this point but your actions chipped away the feelings she had for you for so long that there may be nothing left or she may be so raw that she’s afraid that if she does renew the relationship she will get back into the same situation she has pulled herself out of.
This is where time and actions are the only proof that a person has changed. She probably still loves you but she no doubt doesn’t like what you’ve done and it will take time for her to see the positive changes in you from the therapy.
I’m on your side and hope that you will stick with the therapy, build a strong relationship with your daughter, and maybe when your partner sees the new you the love she has for you will overcome the fear she has and give the relationship another chance. Good luck. — Queenie