Dear Queenie, I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, we get on well, we don’t argue which is great we actually talk!! However I feel that he isn’t 100% committed.
He is recovering from an addiction and his efforts towards the relationship can seem quite lacking. He blames it on his addiction but I sometimes see it as an excuse.
We both live on other sides of London, and so this is part of the problem he tends not to make the effort to come to me, I would say its about 90% of me travelling to him. I always have to contact him, before he will contact me which as you can imagine is very frustrating. I really want to be with him as when he does make effort it is great and we are good together.
Where his efforts are lacking I often wonder if maybe he is cheating, but just makes jokes about it when I say anything like “Yeah of course I’m a Casanova” and “who would fancy me, I’m ugly” well I like him so he obviously has something about him that is likeable?!!
I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to see things from my point of view as this is the only way I think he will realise how I think and feel and maybe do something about it.
Or do you think I should call it a day?? Kind regards. — A confused young lady
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No advice on how to “make” him see things from your point of view because that’s an impossibility. You can’t “make” someone do anything. He may be very happy with things as they are. You are the one with the problem so if anyone can have a change of attitude about the situation, it will have to be you.
The two of you are good together once you contact him and then travel to be with him? If you’re going to him 90% and he’s coming to you 10%, this not exactly an equal relationship. It would seem that you might be a bit more involved than he is although I can’t discount that addiction situation.
Maybe it’s time to back away, give him his space and let him make contact with you and make the effort to come see you. If he isn’t interested, isn’t it time to find out so you don’t waste any more time on a “good” relationship that’s not going any farther? That’s my opinion, anyway. You have to make the decision that works best for you. — Queenie