Dear Queenie, I recently got back from visiting my family to find out that my husband has cheated on me with our roommate. The other part was her boyfriend was in on it too.
We haven’t even been married for one year. I don’t know what to do to stop thinking about it or how to trust him again. I would just like some advice on how to get past everything and how to talk to him about our situation. At first I didn’t want to talk about it and now I do. Can you help me please. — Jennifer
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Jennifer, I’m not sure why you and he have a roommate (and it’s strange that I’ve received two questions regarding husbands cheating with roommates in the past month) but apparently she was there and willing to betray a friend at the same time that he was weak enough to betray his marriage vows. You say her boyfriend was in on it so I’m going to assume that it was a threesome. I don’t know why but this sounds more like “sport sex” than a love connection between the two of them.
Are you all still living together? What is your relationship with her and her boyfriend? What is your husband’s current relationship with the two of them? Are you being made to feel that your feelings are less than valid? They’re not, of course, but if the three of them are trying to justify their actions there is certainly power in the “pack” mentality.
Is your husband sorry that he betrayed you or just sorry you found out? Is your roommate sorry she betrayed you or gloating because she had sex with your man?
There’s a lot to deal with and you have to choose who you want to associate with and who you don’t, what you’ll accept in a marriage and what you won’t, and then make some hard decisions. You are in control because whatever you choose affects all of you.
If your husband doesn’t want to lose you, and if you can forgive, then perhaps this betrayal can eventually strengthen your marriage. Search your heart then follow your head. — Queenie