He’s Confused
Dear Queenie, why do some men say I love you one day and in two days turn around and tell you that they are scared and need time to think? I have such a man.
We’ve been seeing each other for over two years now. I love him and have told him so, but have never pushed the subject of marriage because I’ve only been divorced for four years now and just not quite comfortable yet in those thoughts. But I do like the idea of a commited relationship. I’m not scared of it, though I don’t want to go through a divorce again.
Example: We were having a grill out, kids running around, me cooking and him and I are talking about weddings, just in general conversation. Out of the blue he spits out that he would marry me and give me a proper wedding. I didn’t have one the first time around.
I said that it would be nice one day and didn’t go on. I just didn’t see it as a proposal or anything. Five days later, he tells me that he went out on a date with someone else and that she’s really cool and that he thinks that maybe we should just be friends. I was devasted!! He said it was because I didn’t respond to his wedding idea.
Since then we have been talking and he says he loves me and cares for me, but in our talks, he has confessed to have been seeing this other girl for two months now and has even slept with her. But… it didn’t mean anything to him. He says he’s confused, scared and doesn’t know what he wants but loves and cares for me deeply. What does that suppose to mean???
Don’t know if I should stay or if I should go!! I do love the man, but would take some time to forgive and forget. Is it hopeless?? — Shelly in Ohio
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Shelly, he says he loves and cares for you deeply but he’s seeing someone else and having non-meaningful sex with her. Of course that all happened because you didn’t pin him down about marriage when he suggested it. Pretty lame excuse, isn’t it?
What does it all mean? It means he isn’t ready for commitment right now. If it were me, I would go. Your relationship has hit a plateau, as most long term relationships do. The two of you will either reunite for something more meaningful or go your separate ways.
It’s your life so you have to decide what’s best for you but don’t compromise your needs for anyone. And don’t put your life on hold waiting for him to come back because life has no such guarantees. Just my opinion, of course. — Queenie