Hi Queenie, two days ago I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years. It was and is the most painful thing I’ve ever been through (and I’ve been through the deaths of most of my family)…I love her more than I’ve loved anyone in my life.
I’m 36, she’s 37. We had a rocky relationship, but kept trying because we loved each other greatly. We had broken up briefly a couple of times in this 2 years, mainly because of her deep depression, but we were both open to working on our “stuff”.
When I ended the relationship, she became very angry and threw out all of the things I’d ever given her…poems, love letters, books, jewellry, etc…it was heartbreaking. I told her that I still loved her, but that my heart told me I had to break up. I told her that I wanted her in my life, and that I thought we could be amazing friends (eventually)…she told me if I couldn’t be her life partner (we are both women), that she didn’t want me in her life at all.
She got the rest of her stuff from my apt. and is now “gone”. She told me not to call, EVER. She said she will be “writing me out of her life” and that I will never see her again. I told her that would devestate me, and she said she is being devestated by *my* actions.
Well, QofH, I want to honor her desires. Yes, she told me not to contact her (ever), but do you think that in a few months or so (if she doesn’t contact me) I could call her and just say hello? That I’ve been thinking of her and that I’m here and would love to hear from her?
Thanks for listening. I feel kind-of silly asking a perfect stranger something so intimate, but I like and appreciate your answers to other questions. Peace to you and thanks, — Mar
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Mar, she can’t be friends because she hurts too much. She can’t be friends because she loves you too much to see you in an intimate relationship with someone else. It would cut her deeply and you, caring for her, shouldn’t want her to hurt even more, would you?
Right now the pain is too new and too raw which is why she has responded to being dumped the way she has. It may take her considerable time to get over her anger and the other emotions that are swirling around within her as a result of this relationship ending.
It’s my opinion that following up in a few weeks or months with a simple “I’ve been thinking of you and hope you’re well” is acceptable. Then you take your lead from her response as to whether or not you can build more of a friendship or whether it is not repairable.
Hope that makes logical sense. — Queenie