Dear Queenie, I met this guy about a year ago and when we met he stated that he wanted to be friends and I was okay with that. A few weeks later he asked if we could be friends who have sex and I said no and held off for a while but then one night it happened and it has been happening every since.
We do everything together like go to the movies, out to eat, just everything that a couple does but when I ask him why is it that we are not together he says he’d rather build a strong friendship and have this solid foundation. At first I thought maybe he had a commitment problem but he was with his ex-girlfriend for two years he says that when they broke it really hurt so I don’t know if maybe he is not over her or if he just thinks that I will do the same thing that she did.
It has been a whole year and I am thinking that it is time to move on. I know that a good relationship is based on friendship but he doesn t even give me any insight to where this is going. He says things like he can see us being together but he does not know what the future holds. Still he’ll say something about the future about like what we will do. He asks me questions about how many kids do I want and my goals and things but it all leaves me confused.
I have thought of every possible reason that there could be and I don’t know. I guess it could even be the fact that maybe he feels like if he gets everything out being a couple without actually having to give the commitment then why not. He doesn t say things like I love you but when I ask how he feels about me he says that he likes me a lot more than a friend and the fact that he can actually hold a conversation with me and that we have some things in common.
We do have arguments and recently we had and I think that it slipped out when he said that I need you. So I guess my question is am I wasting my time with him or is it true when they say good things come to people who wait. — Cindi
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Cindi, I don’t know exactly what it is you need him to say. His actions say he cares very much for you and it sounds as though he discusses plans for the future with you even if he doesn’t say things like “When we get married” or “When we have kids.”
Of course if this “friendship with benefits” means that the two of you can date others or your dating situation is kept secret from your friends and family then I can see where you would want his assurance that he’s not just using you until someone better happens by.
Right now he has everything he needs without going further into the relationship. If you need more tell him. If he can’t commit or doesn’t want to commit then decide whether you’re better off with him or without him and take the appropriate action. That’s what I would do. — Queenie