Six months ago my husband of 10 years (we have a child together) came to me and told me that he had an a affair with our roommate and close friend.
What brought him to tell me is she became pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby. I chose to forgive him. Shortley after the bomb was dropped she miscarried. We have not seen or heard from her since. We are both trying to get through this.
I am concerned because my husband has been acting really depressed since. Could it be that he is disappointed in himself for causing such drama in his family’s life, or missing her or some sort of mid-life crisis? I feel that I am the one who (if anyone) should have the harder time getting over his mistake, but he just is not the same. Is it common for men to be depressed after a affair?
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You’re asking questions concerning why he’s acting the way he is now but the big question is: Why did he have the affair? What was (or is) missing from your marital relationship that caused him to break the marriage vows? If you can answer that question you will be on the way to answering the rest of your questions.
There is a lot of emotional baggage that a betrayal of this type would add to a relationship. The pregnancy, miscarriage, betrayal by a close friend, his disclosure because of her pregnancy. There’s a lot here and it certainly could be anger/depression producing, in you as well as him.
How are you dealing with the forgive and forget aspect? Are you ‘forgiving’ but not ‘forgetting’? Would counseling benefit the both of you? Think about it. (And good luck.) — Queenie