Dear Queenie, my wife and I have been married for five years and together for seven. As all couples do, we have had our rocky times. The problem is that I have let them pass on thinking that all was well, and my wife has not.
She has held back from telling me how she really feels until recently when I told her that I noticed that she didn’t seem happy. We obviously have a communication problem, partially because I am Mr. Fix-It. These repressed feelings apparently have been held in for quite some time, and she rightfully feels resentment towards me about them.
When I finally did get her to tell me, my eyes were wide open. I feel like a total jerk! I think that I have identified the problems, hoping that she has truly told me everything. I have tried to tell her how sorry I am for not noticing, and that I will do anything to make it better.
I am not getting through to her because she has put up a defensive wall. I am now trying to show her that I am changing emotionally, but I still am not sure it is getting through. I love this woman very much, and I would give my life to make things right. I know it won’t happen overnight, but I wish I had a sign to know whether or not I am making things right. What should I do? Remorseful Husband
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I have a feeling that she talked, and talked, and talked, but you didn’t really listen until she said something that made you “get it.” Is she talking divorce?
No one is 100% wrong in a failed relationship. Each person contributes to the situation. And, regardless of what books might tell you, one person cannot keep a marriage together, it takes two people working on it to keep it going.
Will she go with you to a marriage counselor? It sounds as though you need an intermediary to at least get the ball rolling toward marriage repair. Will she go or has she given up?
Sometimes you can “get it” a little too late. I hope that’s not the case for you and your wife. — Queenie