Ok, you are going to hate me allready. I am a commitment phobe. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. It just turns my stomach to think about being with someone permantly and losing my freedom. I tend to keep my relationships very casual, brief and meaningless. But just recently I met someone, who I really really like.
It was really really intense in the beginning, I just adored her. But after awhile I started freaking out. I’m not sure if I’m in love or not. And I’m not sure if I even deserve her. And I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship. So I don’t know what to do.
She’s been calling a lot lately, wanting to know what’s up and I have started avoiding her. Not because I want to, but just becuase I feel like it’s almost too much for me to deal with right now. I don’t want to hurt her but I don’t know if she’d be better off giving up on me and finding someone else or if I should take the plunge and finally have my first serious relationship.
I can just see how painful this could end up being for her. At the same time, i don’t want her to go away. I’m confused. Can you help? — Commitment Phobe
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No, I don’t hate you, and you shouldn’t hate yourself either. Some people just don’t want to be in long term relationships no matter how compatible various people they meet seem to be. We don’t all have to link up and go through life two-by-two, despite what you may be told by friends and family.
As far as your current “problem,” why don’t you meet her for coffee and tell her exactly what you’ve told me? All of it. That stops her from wondering what’s wrong with her or coming up with all the wrong reasons for your behavior.
Talk to her! Now! — Queenie