Queenie, this may be a tough one, but nobody else can seem to help. I am married and I have been for almost four and a half years. I was dating him for two years before we got married. He used to be addicted to porn and it made our sex life seem non-existant. Many times we talked about it and many times he said he wanted to change it.
Eventually I found out the porn had stopped and our sex life became great…then I found out something worse. He was trying to meet a female in person over the INTERNET. This was a trick and the person didn’t really exist so he didn’t get to actually meet her but once I found out he was going to I threatened to leave him and he kept saying he just wanted to make a new “friend” and he only started talking to her because he was mad at me.
He was away at the time and he tried to say he was even going to bring another friend with him. I don’t believe he just wanted to be friends with her, but he won’t admit he wanted more.
I read articles on the signs of cheating and they all say the same thing…the problem is, he is a very odd person and none of that stuff seems to prove he is cheating because he acts in the same manner no matter what he does or who he is around.
He is just a guy who will act mostly like they say the cheaters do, but he acts like that on a regular basis…even when I was around him twenty-four seven for a week straight. He had no time to cheat on me, the sex was fine and I monitered everything he did on his computer and know for a fact he wasn’t cheating.
Well, he has been home for over a week now and ever since he stopped the porn I have been monitering his INTERNET and regular computer usage. He honestly has NOT been on porn, but I can’t get over the feeling he is cheating. I have been paranoid about it for a very long time and even though I know all the people he writes to, everything he writes, all the websites he goes to, all the files he downloads, and any computer stuff he visits I still think he is cheating.
I have been told that I would have found out and had proof by now since I have been thinking this for so long…but that is the problem. I have never had any 100% proof and he still has sex with me. I have been told that there is no way I wouldn’t have had some kind of proof by now because nobody is that good of a lier.
I just feel inside he is cheating and he always tells me he isn’t if I bring it up, he offered to take a lie detector test, he still has sex with me (NOT ANY MORE OR LESS THAN HE USED TO EITHER EXCEPT WHEN HE USED TO BE ON PORN..THEN WE NEVER DID IT), and he is constantly reassuring me he has never cheated and never will.
It just seems odd that the porn has stopped, but lately it takes him a lot longer to ejaculate and when he does there is hardly any there. He hasn’t been on porn so why is sex different now? Not the quantity of it, but the quality of it? He also doesn’t say my name before he “finishes” as often as he used to.
He doesn’t seem to enjoy it like he did before. I know it has been four years and he is probably used to me by now, but recently is the first time in four years he hasn’t seemed to enjoy it as much.
I’m sorry this is so long…I just can’t seem to shake the feeling he is cheating instead of looking at porn now. Is there anyway I can tell if he has moved to that next level that no other person or site will tell you? I already have a list of all the “signs” of cheating and the ways you can tell, but it isn’t good enough. I need more and there is no way he is stupid enough to slip up and leave any evidence behind and he is not stupid enough to do anything in OUR apartment.
Can you help at all? Please, this is eating me up to the point where I can’t even look at him because the feeling he is cheating is so intense and he would NEVER admit to it…no matter what. I am so stressed about it I can’t even achieve an orgasm during sex because I am wondering who he has already been with that day.
My friends say I am paranoid…but would he really be trying to meet two females when he is out of state to just be friends when he is in the army and there are plenty of guys around for him to be friends with?
Also, how many men who intend on cheating would totally change their mind in a matter of weeks? Even if they DID know it would be harder to hide when they came home? Anyway, thanks for your time and I REALLY hope you can help me with this. If not, that is okay…I understand. Thanks again. — Angel
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Angel, you are so obsessed with catching him doing something wrong I’m surprised he hasn’t walked away by now and I’m very surprised he can “perform” at all. You need counseling. Get it. Whether or not he is cheating, your obsession that he is cheating is incredibly destructive and unhealthy. — Queenie